“For the record, I am not pregnant. What I am is fed up,” reads Hollywood star Jennifer Aniston’s letter to the media after yet another report on her pregnancy.
But perhaps what hits closer home was the latter part of her letter.
“This past month has illuminated for me how much we define a woman’s value based on her marital and maternal status. We are complete with or without a mate, with or without a child. Let’s make that decision for ourselves and for the young women who look to us as examples.”
So it’s not just your uncle or aunt or that nosy neighbour who ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ about you not getting married or having kids. Most women have had to deal with these questions at some point in their lives. But why should they?
“I am a living example of someone who is not married, has no kids and is very happy with her career,” says movie producer Elahe Hiptoola. “For long, people have put women in a bracket, of the kind of roles they need to essay. That’s what is happening even now. It will take years to break that notion,” adds Elahe.
The idea that motherhood completes or defines a woman has been very rampant. Even in various films, the message is put out very blatantly.
“Motherhood is great; no one doubts that, but reducing a woman to a mother or a wife and not letting her explore other options is not right. If someone wants to get married and have babies, so be it, but the problem is judging women who don’t want to fit into these roles. When men can be complete without marriage or babies, why can’t women,” asks Tejaswini Madabhushi, member of the Feminism Group in Hyderabad.
The idea is not to stay away from motherhood or marriage. The idea is to let people do it whenever they feel the time is right. “We live in a warped society wired with certain ideas plugged into their own switchboards. Women are complete when they are at peace with themselves. Let a woman live her life. Marriage and children are very important, but let her decide on that important question — when,” says actress Kushboo Sundar.
“These ideas of getting married or having babies at the ‘right’ time are so outdated. I do miss having a partner, but it’s not a constant nagging, it surfaces once in a while. I’m very happy and complete right now. When I find the time and space to give my entire attention to a child, I will have one... and anyway, who needs a man to have a child?” asks Elahe.
It all boils down to one thing — let women do whatever they want to. Like Aniston wrote, “We don’t need to be married or mothers to be complete. We get to determine our own “happily ever after” for ourselves”.
