At a crowded pre-Holi party, I was speaking to a smiling, unrealistically obliging and ingratiating lady. I wondered what made her feel so artificially polite and phoney. It was the dearth of something real, genuine from the heart. That special ingredient which differentiates the tangible from the sham and the warmth reflecting within the light inside the eyes. And then, Diana Hayden breezed in. Femina Miss India in 1997, crowned Miss World 1997.
I thought to myself, “This is the real thing.” She’s always spoken from her heart — what you see is what you get. Nothing changes her, not the great highs nor the lows.
What kept Diana so real and beautiful? Diana comes from Hyderabad, the daughter of a mother who is a teacher and a father who is a plumber. An ordinary home, where her parents split up when she was merely 13 and she had to leave school to fend for herself. At 14, Diana took up a job and worked really hard, “I grew up very simply. I worked as a receptionist, a telephone operator, I held at least 15 jobs. Life was very basic. Our foundation of education was good, so while I might have been an eighth dropout I always got books as Christmas presents, and read various books and I turned into a curious, romantic person.”
“At 23, a friend forced me to send my pictures to Miss India. The rest is history. I represented India in Miss World and not only won but was also the highest title winner in the history of India.”
“I am living proof of a person who is realistic and practical as well as a die-hard romantic. I’ve read so many Mills & Boons. Even my mother read Mills & Boons. I knew none of the men I met were right for me. True to my birth sign (Taurean) I have a lot of clarity. As much as I’m a career woman, to me the most important thing in life over everything else is love and happiness.”
It was just last year that Diana met the man of her dreams, Collin Dick while she meant to lease her apartment before leaving for the US where she was relocating to work.
“When looking for a man everyone is looking for something different. For me it was never about the age, money, height, looks, I was very clear that value systems and core values have to be the same. Looks will fade, the body will not stay toned forever, you get ill, and the money can dwindle. I need a mental connect, I need to feel safe.”
Had Diana’s parents’ divorce made her sceptical about marriage? “My parents loved each other, but over a period of time, I realised that that was obviously not enough. When we fall in love, before we make the decision, over and above our love we have to make sure our core values are the same. I never had any doubts about marriage. I told myself every night that not every marriage ends like this. I waited so long to get married.” Diana turned 40 when she finally took the plunge last year.
An interesting vignette is that Collin came as a prospective tenant who was to rent her apartment before she left for the US. “We shook hands and I left for the States. It was like a jig-saw fitting into place on its own accord. Soon our chats over the phone became longer. A few minutes every day turned into hours.”
“Respect is the most important thing in a relationship. You get taken for granted when you are a giver. For a successful relationship I believe it is important to give respect and receive it. We don’t verbalise our feelings and needs. That’s where passive aggression grows, and eats into a relationship, like a cancer. Another important ingredient is appreciation, things like ‘thank you’, ‘please’, ‘excuse me’, ‘I’m sorry’ — we tend to stop using these words when we get comfortable. That is the beginning of a big mistake. You have to stop in your tracks and take a reality check.”
Diana and Colin had a fairytale wedding at Las Vegas and are enjoying the “happily ever after”.
The author is a luxury consultant and lifestyle columnist. You can mail her at nishajamvwal@gmail.com
