Best-selling author Ira Trivedi is a more evolved person after her latest non-fiction India in Love: Marriage and Sexuality in the 21st Century; a huge departure from her earlier work of fiction.
We scheduled an interview at her residence at the posh Rakabganj Road, Delhi and expected to see Ira walk in all prim and proper. Nevertheless, it was a surprise to see her walk in and nonchalantly request if we could do the photo shoot later, as she had just returned after taking a yoga class with the President’s better half, yes, she admitted this without batting an eyelid! Also, she’s a certified yoga teacher!
A few minutes later, Ira sits down for an informal chat. Four years, 15 cities and 500 interviews later, she’s not complaining! Talking about how the book came into being, Ira says, “This isn’t a novel. I’ve been a fiction writer for many years. Since I am an economist and have an MBA degree, researching for this book was not difficult. There was also a personal reason, I was going through marriage rigmarole and being a young Indian woman I think all of us go through this. The book is not about sex per se, what I do talk about is changing sexual mores, changing attitudes, much larger change. Initially, writing about sex and sexuality, I wondered what was my father going to say? But I believe as a writer you have to be brave and brazen. You have to be able to go into situations and not be scared.”
During the course of meeting people, Ira realised how big the change was. In the US when sexual revolution took place, it affected 1.6 million people. In India, it’s 1.2 billion people.
To this Ira says, “As I started researching and writing, I realised, we have an important book on an equally important subject. India is going through a revolution at the moment and there all sorts of data here, people say, ‘yes, India is going through a sexual revolution’, but no one’s really ever put it together in an intelligent way or did a research. People look at it from different angles. I’m looking at it from an analytical point of view. I hope people pick up this book now and continue the work in these subjects. I would really want someone to write a book about changing prostitution, or a book on changing homosexuality in India or even an in-depth study on arranged marriages.”
Ira isn’t sure about the response to the book, as it’s never been done before. But speaking about the role of a woman in today’s time, she says, “It’s a very confusing time for Indian women. It’s really hard to be a young woman in 2014. We’re stuck between different elements. Women who’re slightly older, in late 40’s and 50’s, I can imagine it must have been difficult for them back then. But today, change is happening at an individual level and in almost every city. One half of us is traditional, it’s almost like we can make compromises, since our mothers did too, but the other half says, ‘we can’t’! This is the dual nature, dual personality and there’s no solution to this, it’s just a matter of evolution. In India, you can never separate marriage and sexuality. It’s no more shocking to see women in 30’s who are not married. A lot of young women come from places like Jalandhar and other places to Delhi for studies and they don’t want to leave. ”
Speaking of changing attitude towards sex in India, Ira says, “Romance and sexual chemistry is becoming extremely important. There’s no more repressed attitude towards sex and people are exploring their sexuality within marriages and outside it. This is a confusing time for men to reconcile with the changing identity of women.”
From a writer, she partly transformed into an assistant marriage broker and organised meetings with families and even went on a prospective date to meet a man. “It was definitely interesting to be on the other side. I looked at it from two points of view my personal and journalistic life came together. In retrospect, it’s funny, but at that time, it wasn’t.”
Being a young writer allowed Ira to meet people from all walks of life. She says people openly talked to her and her age was definitely a contributing factor. “I can’t imagine a 50-year-old man writing this book, they wouldn’t have the same access to people like I had. Surprisingly, people who I met were liberal with me, even those from smaller cities. Everyday was a learning process and I was becoming a better writer. On a personal level it was still confusing to think about marriage but now I’m going with the flow!”
