Surrogate moms narrate heart rending ordeal

Chennai: For two years now, Sumathi and her three children have been celebrating the birthday of a child they have never seen. Sumathi is the child’s surrogate mother and has never seen the baby.

She still feels a connect with the child and every November, celebrates the birthday without fail. She is also sure that she does not want to see the child. “I am sure that the child must be happy somewhere.

When I delivered the baby in 2011, it was initially very difficult to come to terms with the fact that I could not even get to see the baby. But I got used to it,” says the 36-year-old from Vyasarpadi.

When she was unable to cope with mounting debts, a woman agent introduced her to a fertility clinic and also to surrogacy. Jyothi, 33, her neighbour, who had already donated eggs, joined Sumathi and both went to the fertility clinic and conveyed their willingness to become surrogate mothers.

Sumathi explained the process to her auto driver husband Shankar and he gave his consent. But it was not easy for Jyothi. “When I tried explaining it to my husband, he started beating me,” recalls Jyothi.

“He left me a year ago and now I plan to become a surrogate mother again,” said Jyothi, who works with a hand-bag making unit. While a few years ago, surrogate mothers received Rs 2 lakh and a monthly maintenance of Rs 3,000, at present they receive Rs 3 lakh and a monthly maintenance of Rs 10,000.

Not that everything is fair in this trade. “The last time we become surrogate mothers (Sumathi and Jyothi) the agent cheated us. He promised Rs 2 lakh but gave us only Rs 1.5 lakh,” she said.

Both feel that in the last three years there has been a lot of awareness about surrogacy.

“My mother-in-law used to curse me and my neighbours questioned my fidelity. Instead of remaining silent, we explained what surrogacy was all about.

Now they understand it. On our suggestion, a couple of our neighbours who also faced similar problems of mounting debts became surrogate mothers,” said Sumathi, whose 20-year-old daughter got married recently.

“My son-in-law knows that I was a surrogate mother,” she said.

India most preferred for surrogacy

While NRI couples spend nearly Rs 75 lakh in other countries for surrogacy, all they need to spend in India is '14-15 lakh including travelling expenses, says A.J. Hariharan, chairperson of G-SMART (Global Surrogate Mothers Advancing Rights Trust).

Three years ago, when ICWO (Indian Community Welfare Organisation), an NGO received complaints on how surrogate mothers were cheated by middlemen, members of the NGO took up the issue.

“We did a study, questioning surrogate mothers, parents who opt for surrogacy and fertility clinics. We found how surrogate mothers, mostly uneducated and economically deprived, were cheated by middlemen.

In the absence of clear-cut laws, surrogacy is a big business here,” said Hariharan, who along with Kathiravan started G-SMART, one-and-a-half years ago to help surrogate mothers.

Pointing to the case of Manji Yamada who was born to a surrogate mother in 2008, Hariharan says the Japanese parents separated before the birth of the child and this raised the question of rights of children born out of surrogacy.

“We hope that the new Assisted Reproductive Technologies (Regulation) Bill 2014 will deal with issues faced by surrogacy mothers. Our major concern is the mental health of surrogate mothers and quality of life they lead after delivering the baby.

In most cases, surrogate mothers are not given adequate treatment after delivery.

But now, fertility clinics (20 leading fertility clinics and 50 clinics functioning on a small scale in Chennai) follow ICMR (Indian Council of Medical Research) guidelines and educate both childless couples and surrogate mothers in detail about surrogacy to avoid any complications,” explained Hariharan.

He also stressed on the need of a registry that can give the exact details of the number of surrogate mothers.

There are 70 surrogate mothers enrolled in G-SMART. “We need to create a platform where surrogate mothers talk about their issues and find solutions,” he says.

For childless couples, surrogacy is a boon. “We tried the IVF treatment but it did not work out and it took some time to convince ourselves about surrogacy. Now we are happy,” said a couple who now have twins.