Middle-class urban India woke up to some bitter truths last week when a young woman doctor ended her life in a hotel room in New Delhi’s Paharganj area. The tragedy hammered home some stark realities underpinning our ecosystem.
The woman worked as an anaesthetist at the All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS). She had had an arranged marriage with another doctor, also working at AIIMS. She loved her husband but things started souring when she discovered that he was gay by foraging through his emails. In the four-page anguished suicide note she left behind, the woman claimed she was prepared to accept her husband’s homosexuality, and was even ready to put up with a marriage devoid of physical intimacy.
But subsequent alleged torture by her husband led her to take the extreme step, according to media reports. On the basis of the allegations, which included harassment for dowry, the husband has been arrested. The investigation is on. We don’t have all the facts. But from what we know, several troubling issues arise.
What does a woman do if she discovers that her husband is gay? How does she cope with the deceit and despair? Gay husbands and straight wives — does it necessarily mean shattered lives? These are not easy questions for women or their spouses anywhere in the world. It is particularly tough in a country where homosexuality is criminalised, where gays can’t come out publicly, and where social mores place a premium on marriage at any cost.
No politician in the country has publicly reacted to the alleged suicide, but the sordid tale of a marriage based on lies and deceit for over five years has turned the spotlight once again on the infamous Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code. The law, a remnant of the colonial era, criminalises “carnal intercourse against the order of nature”, effectively pushing India’s LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) community into criminality alongside continued social stigmatisation.
In 2001, Naz Foundation, an NGO working on HIV prevention, mounted a constitutional challenge to Section 377 in the Delhi high court by filing a public interest litigation seeking legalisation of homosexual intercourse between consenting adults. In 2009, in a historic judgment, the court overturned the 150-year old section, legalising consensual homosexual sex between adults. Having a legal system that was not hostile to homosexuals did not change everything on the ground but it bolstered their confidence. Many gays went public about their sexuality, not only before others but also to themselves.
But this order was challenged. In 2013, the Supreme Court reinstated Section 377 of the IPC. Since then, India’s LGBT community has been in a limbo. With legal censure returning, fear has also staged a come-back. The few who had been emboldened to come out publicly about their sexual orientation earlier are now afraid. It is back to the closet. The matter is currently pending before the Supreme Court.
Recriminalisation of gay sex has been a political hot potato. Most religious groups support Section 377. The Parliament has the power to amend the law, usher in change but lawmakers are wary. When it was in power, the Congress Party criticised the Supreme Court decision but the legislative amendment wasn’t a top priority.
The ruling Bharatiya Janata Party has been speaking in multiple voices on gay rights. In a television interview last year, Arun Jaitley said personally he tended to agree with the Delhi high court judgment that removed the criminal tag from being gay. But others like home minister Rajnath Singh view gay sex as “unnatural”. No one knows Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s views on the matter.
The deafening silence of our legislators on the tragedy underlines the dangers of not being encouraged to face up to who one really is, to acknowledge one’s sexual orientation. Many professionals I know, both men and women, are shocked that a professionally qualified working woman could not muster the courage to walk away from her marriage and chose to end her life. Or that an educated and successful man would not have the courage to tell his parents that he was not interested in marriage. But as we know too well, education does not necessarily translate into empowerment. Nor does a good job or a good salary automatically translate to self-confidence.
Many ask why an educated and financially independent woman did not reach out to support networks when faced with a personal crisis such as this one. But do we have enough support networks to counsel women in such situations? The problem is not uniquely an Indian one. Over four million women are currently married to gay men or have been married to gay men in the United States and over 63 per cent of gay husbands will never tell their wives the truth, writes Bonnie Kay, author of Straight Wives, Shattered Lives: Stories of Women with Gay Husbands. What should we do?
Anjali Gopalan, founder and executive director of Naz Foundation, argues that the law criminalising homosexuality inhibits people from acknowledging and accepting who they are. Legal changes are vital if we are to prevent tragedies such as the one last week. But law alone cannot change the ground reality if social mores don’t change.
On the legal front, it is important to impress upon lawmakers that activists are not asking for a total repeal of Section 377, but for it to be “defined down” so as not to apply to consenting adults in private. This will go a long way in helping gay men come out and prevent the kind of tragedy that we saw. It will not lead to a situation like the one in Bengaluru last year, when a man was arrested after his wife caught him on a spycam allegedly having sex with another man in their home.
On the support front, there are a few groups run by LGBT activists for both gay and straight partners who are trying to separate. We need many more. On the social front, it is important not to see last week’s tragedy as a woman’s rights versus gay rights issue. At one level, both were victims. The man, because he did not have the courage to tell his parents and the woman that he could not go ahead with the marriage and the woman who was trapped into remaining in a relationship despite lack of reciprocity from her partner.
The tragedy underscores a fact — if educated and financially independent men and women do not challenge the prevailing social system, change will be difficult indeed.
The writer focuses on development issues in India and emerging economies. She can be reached at patralekha.chatterjee@gmail.com
