It’s long been rumoured that Hollywood stars Will and Jada Pinkett Smith have an “open marriage”. On a radio show, Jada stated that as long as “Will can look at himself in the mirror and be okay, I’m good”. And about US media reports of Will’s alleged “flings”, Jada said, “You gotta trust who you’re with, and at the end of the day, I’m not here to be anybody’s watcher. I trust that Will is a man of integrity.”
Jada’s observations have brought to the fore how much the nuances of faithfulness and fidelity in modern day relationships have evolved. If monogamy was once considered the “ideal” for most relationships, the relationship experts we spoke to said that the definition or idea of what construes the “best” kind of relationship, changes with the passage of time. From monogamy, people have moved on to a model that the writer Dan Savage called “monogamish” — mostly, but not always, monogamous.
“Initially, monogamy was considered to be perfect in the dynamics of a romantic relationship —with the man being the provider and the woman playing the role of bearing his children and nurturing them,” says life coach Khyati Birla. “That equation worked for a while, though there are exceptions in every culture. However, with the rising rate of divorces and extra marital affairs, researchers today find it very difficult to conclude whether humans are meant to be monogamous or not. It has become more of a personal choice in today’s world.”
Jada Pinkett Smith had observed that she thought it was perfectly okay for her husband to be attracted to other women — in her words, “If he doesn’t see the beauty in other women, how will he see the beauty in me?” Life coach Chetna Mehrotra also points out that attraction — despite being in a relationship/marriage — is inevitable. She says, “Of course, we do get attracted to people at all stages of our lives, irrespective of our relationship status. Our partner is not a perfect being. However, it is not necessary that every attraction outside a relationship/ marriage has to result or end in another marriage or an extra-marital relationship.”
What you need to then ask is, is this new attraction of the sexual, emotional or intellectual sort? Khyati Birla says, “Being attracted to someone new is natural and it often fills the void that is present in the current relationship. It depends on the nature of attraction: Is it sexual or intellectual?” That said, experts emphasise that an open or not-always-monogamous relationship isn’t all fun and games; emotional entanglements do arise as a consequence.
“It takes a very secure and stable partner to accept that his/her better half is attracted to other men/women,” says life coach Devanshi Gandhi. “An open relationship can work only if both are on the same page. If you have drawn a line in the relationship, stick to it. It is very normal for a man/ woman to be attracted to the opposite sex but it’s about responsibility.” Malti Bhojwani, life coach, adds, “Whatever may be the deal, make sure you do not cross the line. Clear communication and mutual trust is essential for a relationship to remain respectful and positive.”
