Thanks to education and progressive thinking, many modern mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law share a healthy bond, in fact, some MILs are a pillar of strength to their DILs
Priya Ahuja and Sonam Kapoor Ahuja. (Image by arrangement)
The monstrous and crafty portrayal of a mother-in-law (MIL) and daughter-in-law in some old regressive movies and TV serials is so passé. Today’s new-age Mummyji or Saasu-Ma is cool. She shares a lovely bond with her daughter-in-law. They go shopping, spa hopping, and gorging on paani-puri, but at the same time, they also respect each other’s space, privacy, and personal views. Many modern MILs have evolved and treat their DILs as friends. They support their career decisions and even lend a helping hand in household chores. A beautiful bond that defies old saas-bahu stereotypes.
Patient & Understanding
Garima Pandey Tiwari (29), a PR professional from Bangalore shares about her relationship with her mom-in-law Prema Tiwari (65) saying that from the first day, her MIL treated her like a daughter. She helped her learn the family’s traditions with patience. She says, “Despite her traditional values, she has been supportive of my career choices. She encourages me to pursue my dreams and reminds me to balance my professional and personal life. Her support extends to the freedom she gives me to dress the way I want. There have been times when we have minor disagreements, but what makes our bond special is our ability to communicate and resolve these tiffs. Her approach has strengthened our friendship and deepened our bond. Her attitude has created a nurturing environment where I feel valued and respected. She is not just my mother-in-law but also my confidante and mentor.”
Pillar of Strength
Sonal Bharat Jani, a psychologist and her DIL Pooja Dhaval Jani, a finance professional share an adorable bond. Pooja who became a widow a few years ago has rock-solid support from her mom-in-law She says, “Ours was a love marriage. My MIL always treated me like her daughter. She never differentiated between me and my sister-in-law. She encouraged me to start working again, I had not resumed my career after the birth of my baby and then the demise of my husband due to cancer. She helped me take baby steps to lead a normal life and cope in those tough moments of grief. Keeping her pain aside from the loss of her son. Now she takes care of my daughter as she has flexible working hours and I have a full-time job. She forced me to go with my friends to a college reunion in Goa. We both bond well and go for our morning walks together. She is my biggest support. A sweet and practical lady who has stood like a rock when things went downhill.”
Sonal, a progressive woman, completed her graduation and post-graduation and started her career as a therapist only after 45 years of age. She offers unwavering support to Pooja. She says, “I have a friendly relationship with Pooja. I believe in the financial independence of women. A MIL must support her in her career and personal choices and respect her individuality to ensure a harmonious atmosphere at home. I told her when she became a widow at 31 that the loss of my son will always be there, but if she wants to remarry, I will always be there beside her as a pillar of strength.”
Screen Portrayal
On the big screen, there has been a slight shift in the age-old stereotype of MILs. Only a handful of movies show progressive and friendly relationships between MILs and DILs. The TV soaps that once peddled nasty spats and monster-in-law images of MILs are following suit slowly. Binaiferr Kohli, producer of TV shows such as Bhabhi ji Ghar Hai and Happu Ki Ultan Paltan says, “The MILs are now supporting DILs rather than creating hurdles. Today my mother-in-law is also a working woman who understands the other woman well. The love and support are mutual. Although on screen it has changed to a certain extent, the two women are still largely bickering about each other but they stand together if someone from outside interferes. Honestly, the screen portal has not changed much as people like the ‘khaata meetha’ relationship. Nobody is willing to show the change but they should portray it now. My MIL was the backbone of the family when I was working as a young mother with two kids. The secret of a happy home is looking after each other. It is a give-and-take relationship. Just open your hearts, be kind, and pave the way for happy bonding. The two women can enjoy a wonderful relationship built on mutual respect, love, and support.”
MIL and DIL need not be best friends but can have a cordial relationship. Warm relationships can be built with empathy and good communication. Small gestures of appreciation can strengthen the bond. Both women should address any misunderstandings and frictions calmly and respectfully.
Family Dynamics
Dr. Aman Bhonsle, (Ph.D.) a Consulting Psychotherapist and Relationship Counselor, Mumbai, says, “The daughter and mother-in-law relationship is no longer competitive but a collaborative one. Education has made a big difference. Today, the kitchen is no longer the only focus of a woman's life. One must remember that the mother is a teacher and so will teach and preach. Always keep a positive frame of mind to be able to overlook shortcomings. Encouraging open conversations and mutual understanding can help bridge the communication gap between the two women. Both must focus on being friendly, supportive, and respectful.” A mother-in-law must keep up with technology as it helps to communicate with the next generation.
Garima Pandey Tiwari (29), a PR professional from Bangalore shares about her relationship with her mom-in-law Prema Tiwari (65) saying that from the first day, her MIL treated her like a daughter. She helped her learn the family’s traditions with patience. She says, “Despite her traditional values, she has been supportive of my career choices. She encourages me to pursue my dreams and reminds me to balance my professional and personal life. Her support extends to the freedom she gives me to dress the way I want. There have been times when we have minor disagreements, but what makes our bond special is our ability to communicate and resolve these tiffs. Her approach has strengthened our friendship and deepened our bond. Her attitude has created a nurturing environment where I feel valued and respected. She is not just my mother-in-law but also my confidante and mentor.”
Pillar of Strength
Sonal Bharat Jani, a psychologist and her DIL Pooja Dhaval Jani, a finance professional share an adorable bond. Pooja who became a widow a few years ago has rock-solid support from her mom-in-law She says, “Ours was a love marriage. My MIL always treated me like her daughter. She never differentiated between me and my sister-in-law. She encouraged me to start working again, I had not resumed my career after the birth of my baby and then the demise of my husband due to cancer. She helped me take baby steps to lead a normal life and cope in those tough moments of grief. Keeping her pain aside from the loss of her son. Now she takes care of my daughter as she has flexible working hours and I have a full-time job. She forced me to go with my friends to a college reunion in Goa. We both bond well and go for our morning walks together. She is my biggest support. A sweet and practical lady who has stood like a rock when things went downhill.”
Sonal, a progressive woman, completed her graduation and post-graduation and started her career as a therapist only after 45 years of age. She offers unwavering support to Pooja. She says, “I have a friendly relationship with Pooja. I believe in the financial independence of women. A MIL must support her in her career and personal choices and respect her individuality to ensure a harmonious atmosphere at home. I told her when she became a widow at 31 that the loss of my son will always be there, but if she wants to remarry, I will always be there beside her as a pillar of strength.”
Screen Portrayal
On the big screen, there has been a slight shift in the age-old stereotype of MILs. Only a handful of movies show progressive and friendly relationships between MILs and DILs. The TV soaps that once peddled nasty spats and monster-in-law images of MILs are following suit slowly. Binaiferr Kohli, producer of TV shows such as Bhabhi ji Ghar Hai and Happu Ki Ultan Paltan says, “The MILs are now supporting DILs rather than creating hurdles. Today my mother-in-law is also a working woman who understands the other woman well. The love and support are mutual. Although on screen it has changed to a certain extent, the two women are still largely bickering about each other but they stand together if someone from outside interferes. Honestly, the screen portal has not changed much as people like the ‘khaata meetha’ relationship. Nobody is willing to show the change but they should portray it now. My MIL was the backbone of the family when I was working as a young mother with two kids. The secret of a happy home is looking after each other. It is a give-and-take relationship. Just open your hearts, be kind, and pave the way for happy bonding. The two women can enjoy a wonderful relationship built on mutual respect, love, and support.”
MIL and DIL need not be best friends but can have a cordial relationship. Warm relationships can be built with empathy and good communication. Small gestures of appreciation can strengthen the bond. Both women should address any misunderstandings and frictions calmly and respectfully.
Family Dynamics
Dr. Aman Bhonsle, (Ph.D.) a Consulting Psychotherapist and Relationship Counselor, Mumbai, says, “The daughter and mother-in-law relationship is no longer competitive but a collaborative one. Education has made a big difference. Today, the kitchen is no longer the only focus of a woman's life. One must remember that the mother is a teacher and so will teach and preach. Always keep a positive frame of mind to be able to overlook shortcomings. Encouraging open conversations and mutual understanding can help bridge the communication gap between the two women. Both must focus on being friendly, supportive, and respectful.” A mother-in-law must keep up with technology as it helps to communicate with the next generation.
The DIL must understand that in the current era of technology, the older generation is nostalgic about yesteryears. Dr Aman adds, “MIL must understand that a DIL who is a career woman has work-related stress too. Both women must find something to bond over like joining a dessert-making class or dance class together. Practice tolerance to cope with minor issues, both should not score a victory point 'competing' subconsciously.”
The basic mantra of a successful relationship is patience, respect for each other’s perspectives, adjustment from both, appreciation, and acceptance.
Filmy Saas-Bahu
• Sharmila Tagore and Kareena Kapoor Khan share a lovely bond. A recent commercial shows Kareena and Tagore spending ‘me-time’ in Pataudi Palace.
• Alia Bhatt and Neetu Kapoor praise each other all the time. Alia calls Neetu Kapoor a ‘super cool mom.’
• Shilpa Shetty calls Usha Rani Kundra the dream mom-in-law. On her MIL’s Birthday, Shilpa shared a video of them dancing.
• Katrina Kaif's camaraderie with Veena Kaushal is reflected through photos on social media of family get-togethers and candid moments.
• Sonam Kapoor Ahuja revealed that her mom-in-law loves dressing up. The two women dress up together and even bake goodies.
• Mira Rajput shares a fabulous bond with MIL Neelima Azeem. Neelima has often admired Mira for “gluing the family together.”
• Alia Bhatt and Neetu Kapoor praise each other all the time. Alia calls Neetu Kapoor a ‘super cool mom.’
• Shilpa Shetty calls Usha Rani Kundra the dream mom-in-law. On her MIL’s Birthday, Shilpa shared a video of them dancing.
• Katrina Kaif's camaraderie with Veena Kaushal is reflected through photos on social media of family get-togethers and candid moments.
• Sonam Kapoor Ahuja revealed that her mom-in-law loves dressing up. The two women dress up together and even bake goodies.
• Mira Rajput shares a fabulous bond with MIL Neelima Azeem. Neelima has often admired Mira for “gluing the family together.”
( Source : Deccan Chronicle )
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