When faith is shattered

My guy left for South Africa with his family a couple of days ago and I haven't heard from him since. We have been going out for a couple of months now, so we are still in the early stages of our relationship. I am scared that we will drift apart while he is gone, although he has assured me we won't. But two months is a long time. Please advice! I miss him and I don't know what to do. Do you think I should call him or try and get in touch with him? I have been to his house a couple of times and from the looks of it, his mother does like me. However, I am not sure if she knows we are dating. If I call him from India, would it make his folks suspicious?

There appears insecurity and uncertainty in your relationship due to the non-availability of your guy as well as the long distance status.

When you are not certain where the relationship stands, it is natural to feel anxious. Are you seeing each other casually or officially dating?

When you are in a committed relationship there is little scope for uncertainty as both of you share common goals for the future.

Eliminate this uncertainty so that fear does not take over your relationship. Be honest about your feelings and encourage open communication with him for moving into a committed relationship. This trust and ability to resolve uncer tainty will not only give you clarity but also the skills to solve problems later in life. 

My first marriage was an arranged one which lasted three years. From that marriage I have a daughter. I left my husband, and two years later started dating a colleague. He knew of my background and accepted me. We got married recently. One morning I came home to pick up some files that I had left behind and found my new husband in bed with our maid. I was shocked. I immediately packed my bags and left home. He hasn't called me since and neither have I. Does that mean he isn't sorry for what he did? I feel so distraught.

Your new husband seems to be either nonchalant or just too shocked that his infidelity has been discovered. If he is not feeling sorry then he may be in a denial that he hasn't done any wrong; or finds it an excuse for the inadequacies in marriage. In such scenarios he prefers to sweep remorseful and associated guilt feelings under the carpet as it is too painful to feel them.

These are his defences, but definitely do not justify infidelity. Genuine remorse seen in action is the only tool for marital reconciliation. Just saying sorry can neither heal the hurt partner; nor restore the relationship. If infidelity serves a mortal wound to the marriage; lack of remorse can kill it for ever.