You are not alone

I am a 27-year-old divorced woman and though I have my life ahead of me, I feel disheartened and alone. I had an arranged marriage and a few months down the line, we separated because my husband has some serious psychological problems. Now, my relatives, and sometimes even my parents, look at me differently, treat me differently and this has lead to many fights and endless tears. I have stopped meeting family members and friends who sometimes have nasty things to say to me. However, I find myself, questioning my decisions and feeling down in the dumps. How can I get over this as I am sure that it was the right decision even though the society makes it difficult for me? Any tips to help me regain the confidence I had.

If you feel your reasons for considering divorce were right then why are you questioning yourself? It appears that you need approval from your parents and relatives. When you get stuck in the approval trap, you could see yourself as a failure. Recognise your beliefs about relationships; you cannot please everyone. 

Your parents could have insecurities about your future and hence the negative reaction. Give them some time to settle in with this phase. Divorce is a new chapter in your life. Believe in yourself and work on self-acceptance. Be your own primary source of approval. Assume responsibility for yourself and do not be obligated to the needs of others.

I’m a 22-year-old guy, doing engineering. I went to school with this boy, and we were best friends for more than 15 years. Recently, he started flirting with my girlfriend and said bad and false things about me to her when we all had a bit too much to drink. He even brought up my past relationships. My girlfriend believed him and dumped me. I can’t get myself to talk to him or her. I’m devastated and alone! Did I bring this upon myself?

Is your best friend jealous of you that he revealed your past to impress your girl? Reflect on your friendship and confront him. It will help you understand if there was a problem in the relationship or yourself. Remember, only few friends stay true while most of them end up as party friends. Are you feeling hurt that you have lost relationships with both of them or that your past was revealed?

Check if your girl really matters to you. If your friend bad mouthed you and your girl believed it, she must have had her insecurities that were not dealt by you. Address them and give her the confidence that you really care for her. If she is reluctant, move on in life. You would have to learn your lessons and don’t make the same mistake next time around.