Flirting with danger

Mumbai: The line between flirting and sexual harassment is a well-defined one. But sometimes, it can boil down to a matter of perspective between the two genders, especially when ‘harmless flirting’ is misunderstood for sexual harassment — perspectives that are a result out of social awkwardness, cultural differences and rigid beliefs or even harassment itself.

 

“It can happen when there is a lot of mistrust. Women experience a lot of harassment — cat-calls, lecherous looks and sexual advances from men. When they are harassed on a regular basis, it’s natural to react negatively to any approach from men, even if it’s a friendly one. The root cause at the end of the day is harassment itself,” says Aswathy, a bank officer from Kozhikode.

 

It is safe to say that flirting borders on sexual harassment when one starts to feel uncomfortable. Harassment need not necessarily be physical. Gestures, lewd comments and unhealthy talk can be traumatic and is categorised under ‘harassment’.

 

Most men love to flirt but where does one draw the line? Uma T.R., a family psychologist, opines that it is a matter of perception. “It is hard to generalise the kind of behaviour that is accepted. Youngsters have impressionable minds and are influenced by the western culture and visual media. Parents and guardians play a key role in letting their children know where to draw the line.”

 

Popular TV star Vivan Bhathena reasons it’s all a matter of perception and cites an example. “It’s okay when a guy in his 20s compliments a girl his age on her dress or hair but when a 40-year-old guy does the same, everyone gives him dirty looks,” he says.

 

What might seem acceptable in certain cultures needn’t necessarily be okay for everyone says Rajani, a psychologist from Chennai. “It is normal to see people in the west to good naturedly box each other on the arm. Touching the forearm or hand to make a point or emphasise something is accepted in such cultures. Can you imagine this between sexes in some orthodox societies in our country? Exposure to cultural differences gives us a better understanding. There is a lot more informality in interactions between genders now than was the case two to three decades back. 

 

Irrespective of different perceptions one might have about the line between flirting and harassment, it’s clear that the onus lies on every individual to know what’s okay and what’s not, when it comes to interaction with people of the opposite sex. Ignorance is not an excuse.