Mystic Mantra: Family forever

A soon-to-be-married man phoned a card shop: “Can I make small changes in my wedding card I ordered?” The printer replied, “Go ahead! Give me the new details!” The man continued: “Ok! It’s a different date, different church, different woman!” Contrastingly, the wedding card of my niece — who’ll be wed this weekend — conjures confidence: “We, Lester and Rachel, with our parents, invite you to share in our happiness as we exchange marriage vows and pledge our love as one.” Today, celebrating the 20th anniversary of the “UN International Day of the Family”, let’s reflect upon marriages and world-family.

Marriage is not just between two persons but between two families. Formerly, most marriages were “arranged” and parents took the initiative to wed two individuals. But today, in many cities, people “fall in love” in colleges, workplaces or neighbourhoods. The challenge thereafter is to “rise in love” and make their marriage fruitful, not only for themselves but for their families and world-family at large.

Marriage belongs to the realm of covenant, not contract. Contracts deal with things, covenants with people. Contracts are made for a limited span of time; covenants are forever. Contracts can be broken, with material loss to parties; covenants can’t be broken, but if violated, beget broken hearts. Contracts belong to the market place; covenants are solemnised in temples or churches. Contracts are guaranteed by the state; covenants are birthed and blessed by God.

Marriages involve not only two persons but three: God included. Thus, the whole family and community witnesses the marriage as the couple does the mangal fera around the sacred fire signifying the divine, offers a mangalsutra or exchanges rings. The pledge is changeless: “With God as witness, and family love embracing us, we exchange vows, pledges, rings, mangalsutras and malas as symbols of our unconditional, eternal love.”

They say before marriage couples swear to love; after marriage, they love to swear. Rachel and Lester “pledge our love as one.” This oneness is a union of hearts/bodies and a communion of souls/spirits. But, there must never be a dissolution of uniqueness, a dissipation of dreams that one holds closest to one’s heart. Rather, each must seek to draw out the very best in the other.

Although families are helpful to young couples, they can be dangerous as well. Dowry-demanding in-laws and possessive parents often destroy the hopes and dreams of newlyweds. Reportedly, India records one dowry-related death every hour. Marital bliss depends not on the riches one brings, but on the richness one is.

Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam is the Indic ideal that the UN strives for. Everyone, everything is Family. Thus, let’s desist from daydreaming about different dates, partners, spouses, but relish and renew our covenantal commitments to God-family-earth: Our One Family, forever.

Francis Gonsalves is a professor of theology.
He can be contacted at fragons@gmail.com