Perfect fit for Mr Right

There was a time, when marriage was a licence for the man to get laid and mistreat the best thing that could possibly ever happen to him. And let’s face it — the reason why divorce was outrightly overruled by the most basic tenets of religion is because the founders of our race knew that women were too good for men and given an option, none of them would choose to stay with one for long. And since nothing logical could have ever made men more appealing to women, religion provided for irrational supernatural reasons to keep things kosher.

Today, things have changed; women don’t need men anymore like cavewomen needed cavemen, or a sabre tooth for that matter, and they can choose to be in or out of a relationship, or a binding by any other name, and this combined with the increased lure of shoe-shopping and manicures has meant just one thing for men: no chance!

Independence for women has ironically caged men in the largest prison of the universe also known as the planet Earth. We are more at the mercy of women than anybody else and if it wasn’t enough, we need them for support, understanding, care, and concern.
But let me not make this a case for exploitation of women by men in a relationship; that is wrong, and criminal and we shall steer clear of such thoughts. Also, I am here to help my brethren. I need to help them find a way back into their ladylove’s soft spot, to be desirable again. And here is my two-word advice: get fit!

Fitness is such a thing; it can make you attractive and desirable, and first of all to your own self. Narcissism is great indulgence no matter what the wise say; if you don’t love yourself then why would anybody else love you? (Also, in the unfortunate passing that nobody does indeed like you then at least, you have self-love to be contended with in the meantime.) Why else do you think gyms have so many mirrors?

So start by making yourself fit; it makes you look more athletic and looking good always makes you exude confidence, the kind that attracts others to you. This in turn leads to a healthy release of pheromones — the most sensuous virtuous scent a man can emit.

I am into running and cycling which, apart from enhancing my Adonis-inspired form also imbibe me with stamina which, as the years glide by, is something I have come to cherish. I am not implying anything lewd here (or, am I) but it takes stamina to get through a workday and then still have some saved for the evening with the lady of your life. Falling asleep at the dinner table is in no way romantic or appealing.

So, fitness will get you back in the zone where ladies swoon over you and want you to be the one wooing them; fat people need to be extremely rich to enjoy the same privileges with the fairer sex.

A fit body is your most useful asset because a fit mind is only something you read about in health magazines or chick-lit books. So get a fit body and get ready for all the action that will be headed your way. And while at it, just to play it safe, get a sense of humour for that is also a sure-shot way to get you some serious long-term companionship. At least that is what every pretty girl says in every glossy magazine interview when asked about her desirable Mr Right.

— The writer is a lover of wine, song and everything fine