14 of 2014: Kochadaiiyaan fixing

Aadhi: More or less?  
Though of course, our Superstar had to be the centre of attention, it should be worth noting the dashing and hot Aadhi has a devoted fan following among women, young and old. More screen time for the hunk would have definitely raised temperatures in the theatre. And maybe he could have been shirtless more.

Low brow Deepika   
Kollywood manageS to snag the most beautiful actress in modern times, and reduce her to a pair of moving eyebrows? Oh, our aching hearts...

Signature style
What do millions of fans expect from a quintessential Superstar flick? The punch dialogues? The gravity-defying fights? Watching him somehow sneak in his signature dance moves? Not a single goosebump-inducing moment here.

E’motion’ capture  
After all the hype and fanfare over 'motion capture technology' (we all Wiki-ed it, don't worry), everyone expected the Superstar to be even more animated (if that was possible!) Sadly, what we got was a fond reminder of those Johnny Quest days from Cartoon Network.

If the move wasn't animated
Why spend all the money into making Rajinikanth an almost real version of him — why not give us the real thing? After all, hasn’t the sight of the Superstar on celluloid raked in hundreds of crores? We got a robotic Rajini in Endhiran (2010) and four long years later, we got an even more robotic version in Kochadaiiyaan. Could we have some flesh ‘n’ blood, wigged ‘n’ made-up Rajini please? Yes, we know that Rajini’s next film Lingaa more than made up for this with not one but TWO Rajinis and two gigantic heroines as well — supersized Sonakshi and equally intimidating Anushka Shetty — but hey, we are not complaining. More bang for the buck!

Disappearing act
What was the ideology behind setting up a romance between Rana’s sister and a prince — only for the couple to disappear halfway into the movie for good? We’ve heard about budget cuts, but this?

Inspired by Indian film cops?   
Kochadaiiyaan ends with a tantalising shot of the long-lost brother Sena appearing from nowhere and walking towards Rana — right after the Almighty battle ended. Sounds like a typical Hindi film where the khakhi-clad brigade comes charging in after the baddies have been beaten up?

Game of Thrones anyone?   
It might be sheer coincidence, but is director-daughter Soundarya Rajinikanth a fan of the fictional continent Westeros where GoT is located. What’s with the similar design of the landscapes, epic sea battles and kingdoms? Even little Rana’s childhood trajectory reminds one of Arya Stark’s (mis)adventures! Unfortunately, the similarities end there.

Not-so-funny Nagesh  
There was a lot of hype over late actor Nagesh’s role in the film, created using a 3D model and high-res pictures of him, voiced by actors who sounded like the great comedian! They got the likeness right, but his one-liners and rebuttals came off as quite flat — a far cry from the legendary Nagesh’s wit-and-humour we all love to remember.

Time lapse   
Okay, maybe the release of Kochadaiiyaan was a little badly timed... by about three decades. But still, if you can’t see the ‘amazing’ special effects and ‘super-realistic’ animation, we only have the West to blame. You have been spoilt by these Peter Jacksons and Steven Spielbergs and American technology. Uff, that Tintin!

If SRK had appeared in an item song   
Come on, the Endhiran robot made a charming cameo in Ra.One! It’s only fair for Shah Rukh Khan to have popped in here somewhere for a quick lungi dance or maybe gotten decapitated as well. We’d have been okay with either.

Chewing gum/cigarette/sunglasses
What? Nothing for Rajinikanth to flick or chew upon while he’s contemplating an adequate comeback to the villain?! No sunglasses either? Scandalous!

Getting CSK’s Dhoni to endorse the film   
Rajinikanth + Tamil Nadu’s favourite adopted son Dhoni — can you imagine? Kochadaiiyaan would have won an Oscar. Somehow.

Dispelling the threat of a sequel
The finale obviously points towards a sequel with the two brothers — a sequel which we know will never be made unless a 64-year-old Rajinikanth decides he wants to be strapped around for two years with gizmos and wires all over again. Shudder!