Dealing with ‘Shiloh situation’

She walked on to the red carpet dressed in a suit, her hair cut like her brothers’ and posed along with her parents Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Shiloh, who now prefers to be called John, made headlines with her appearance as a boy.

Though she is only eight, Brad and Angelina prefer to give their child the time to figure out what she wants. A gesture that other parents can learn from.

So what if your daughter asked for a toy gun instead of a Barbie for her birthday? Like Angelina, parents need to be accepting of their child’s gender preference or confusion.

Dr Diana Monteira, counselling psychologist says, “Before kids reach puberty, they have both male and female friends. It’s only after they hit puberty that they get closer to kids from the same sex. It’s not unusual for kids of that age to choose to dress in a particular way that could bear resemblance to the opposite sex. Aping their siblings is not wrong. In such a case, people just call her a tomboy. In such a situation, parents should give them time and let them grow up naturally.”

But she also talks about a serious matter Gender Identity Disorder. “This is when right from early childhood days, the child says that he or she isn’t comfortable in his or her gender. It’s not only related to dressing or appearance but also the way they feel about themselves. This is a serious issue and the child would need counselling,” she says.

Parents also need to understand that they can’t deal with this situation with anger or rebuke. Sexologist Dr Narayana Reddy says, “Sometimes, parents themselves are unaware of the implications. My advice to parents would be to foresee the consequences and not blindly allow the child to be vulnerable. They need to take the child to a counsellor who’s comfortable with the subject of sexuality, someone who can make an assessment of what the child is going through, so that he or she doesn’t go through it alone.”

It’s also important to take into account the culture and environment in which we grow up.

Dr Diana says, “In our culture, kids are pushed into gender-specific stereotypical roles. Parents need to avoid doing that. Talk to the child and help the child feel equal, encourage the child to talk about what he or she is feeling.”