Moving back home at 40

Remember Will Farell and John Reily in that 2008 flick, Step Brothers? They play 40 plus losers who have squandered their wealth and are forced to live with their parents. Well, for them, it may not have been a choice-based situation, but in circa 2015, life is beginning to imitate cinema with a twist. Today many men and women in their 30s and 40s are consciously opting to move in with their parents. And no, they don’t qualify as losers. These are successful young professionals, who have travelled the world, lived the high life and savoured every moment of their independence in their youth.

But as they hit their 30s, it begins to hit them that it’s not just the biological clock that is ticking, but also time is running out. As parents grow older, more fragile and sensitive, comes the realisation that they need their kids more now than ever. So these happy singletons, who have reveled in their freedom, feel it’s payback time.

It’s a tricky path to tread as the adult ‘child’ has to learn to cope with an aged ‘child’-like parent.  Egos exist on both sides as does the desire to have their way in favour of the larger good (which varies depending on which side of the scale you are). Thirty-nine-year-old actor Abhishek Bachchan and his actress wife Aishwarya Rai along with their three-year-old daughter Aaradhya live at the Bachchan family home with parents Amitabh and Jaya Bachchan. Abhishek has emphasised repeatedly that he would never leave his parental home In fact, Aishwarya had very famously remarked in her 2005 interview with David Letterman, “It’s common in India to live with your parents. It’s also common in India that we don’t need to take appointments with our parents to meet for dinner.”

Some love stories are eternal and that’s Karan Johar’s recent tweet. And no, it’s not a tag line from his film. It’s a quintessential “It’s all about loving your parents” moment in his life.  It’s an acknowledgement of his love for his mother Hiroo. Karan lost his dad Yash Johar to cancer at 32 and since then has unabashedly confessed several times to the fact that his mum is his lifeline. Last year, the 41-year-old put all his work plans on hold and jetted off to the US so that his mum could get treated for her chronic back pain.

Bollywood’s A list star Priyanka Chopra, a self-confessed daddy’s girl, always yearned for her independence. That’s why she opted to live in an apartment close to her parental home, when her dad Dr Ashok Chopra was alive. But after losing her dad to cancer in 2013, Priyanka bid goodbye to her freedom, and moved in with her widowed mom. Priyanka also ensured that her mum travelled with her everywhere and was never left alone to deal with her loss.

Television czarina Ekta Kapoor may be the most powerful woman in the business, but at 40 plus she continues to live with her parents in Mumbai. Says Ekta, “I did move out of my father’s house for a bit. The idea was to check if I could manage on my own. Both Tusshar and I have been extremely pampered by our parents. So, when I took the decision to live all by myself, my father was supportive, but my mother just couldn’t bring herself to believe that I could run the show on the domestic front. And she was right! I might not meet my parents every day as our schedules vary drastically, but the thought that I’m living with my people who love me unconditionally means the world to me. I think I need my parents more than the other way round. Probably that’s why my stay in my new house lasted only a few months.”

And like her, Vibha Rai, 36, a marketing professional with a liquor company in Bengaluru, has tasted freedom and longed for the family feel that she gets at home.  “The biggest thing is that I have family to go back home to. When I used to stay alone (with friends), many times one would come back to an empty house, but now there is that warmth waiting for you. Of course, it also helps that everything is taken care of — from the laundry to food — and you don’t have to worry about anything.”

But what of the parental restrictions that make most youngsters move away in modern India? “I have all the freedom in the world, yet I have family to be around, which is great. I have my own space, it’s as good as living alone and at the same time, the equation is great with both my mom and dad. They are very happy that I am with them, so they get to see me more often. For them having me around, and knowing day after day that I am safe is very important. And for me, family is,” says Vibha.

Thirty-five-year-old ex-Oracle employee and currently a business head-research with Peepal Design in Bengaluru, Mrudula Sreekanth takes pride in living with her parents. “I love living with my parents. I’m a very emotional person and very attached to my parents. They have provided unconditional love and affection during my childhood and now is my turn to be around them. There are of course adjustments I have to make. Be it informing them of my whereabouts or whom I am meeting, those are things I have learnt to live with. So have they. They have accepted my coming late from parties and I have accepted visiting temples with them. I wouldn’t trade the life I lead currently with anything else. I have no regrets of being single and living with my parents. I love every bit of it and wish it continues for as long as possible,” says Mrudula.

While the process of moving back with aged parents is always tricky, if you manage to get the equation right, it’s a win-win situation for both.  

With inputs from Reena Kapoor, Suruchi Kapur Gomes and Namita Gupta