New Age Cool Mom-In-Laws

Patient & Understanding

Garima Pandey Tiwari (29), a PR professional from Bangalore shares about her relationship with her mom-in-law Prema Tiwari (65) saying that from the first day, her MIL treated her like a daughter. She helped her learn the family’s traditions with patience. She says, “Despite her traditional values, she has been supportive of my career choices. She encourages me to pursue my dreams and reminds me to balance my professional and personal life. Her support extends to the freedom she gives me to dress the way I want. There have been times when we have minor disagreements, but what makes our bond special is our ability to communicate and resolve these tiffs. Her approach has strengthened our friendship and deepened our bond. Her attitude has created a nurturing environment where I feel valued and respected. She is not just my mother-in-law but also my confidante and mentor.”

Pillar of Strength

Sonal Bharat Jani, a psychologist and her DIL Pooja Dhaval Jani, a finance professional share an adorable bond. Pooja who became a widow a few years ago has rock-solid support from her mom-in-law She says, “Ours was a love marriage. My MIL always treated me like her daughter. She never differentiated between me and my sister-in-law. She encouraged me to start working again, I had not resumed my career after the birth of my baby and then the demise of my husband due to cancer. She helped me take baby steps to lead a normal life and cope in those tough moments of grief. Keeping her pain aside from the loss of her son. Now she takes care of my daughter as she has flexible working hours and I have a full-time job. She forced me to go with my friends to a college reunion in Goa. We both bond well and go for our morning walks together. She is my biggest support. A sweet and practical lady who has stood like a rock when things went downhill.”
Sonal, a progressive woman, completed her graduation and post-graduation and started her career as a therapist only after 45 years of age. She offers unwavering support to Pooja. She says, “I have a friendly relationship with Pooja. I believe in the financial independence of women. A MIL must support her in her career and personal choices and respect her individuality to ensure a harmonious atmosphere at home. I told her when she became a widow at 31 that the loss of my son will always be there, but if she wants to remarry, I will always be there beside her as a pillar of strength.”

Screen Portrayal

On the big screen, there has been a slight shift in the age-old stereotype of MILs. Only a handful of movies show progressive and friendly relationships between MILs and DILs. The TV soaps that once peddled nasty spats and monster-in-law images of MILs are following suit slowly. Binaiferr Kohli, producer of TV shows such as Bhabhi ji Ghar Hai and Happu Ki Ultan Paltan says, “The MILs are now supporting DILs rather than creating hurdles. Today my mother-in-law is also a working woman who understands the other woman well. The love and support are mutual. Although on screen it has changed to a certain extent, the two women are still largely bickering about each other but they stand together if someone from outside interferes. Honestly, the screen portal has not changed much as people like the ‘khaata meetha’ relationship. Nobody is willing to show the change but they should portray it now. My MIL was the backbone of the family when I was working as a young mother with two kids. The secret of a happy home is looking after each other. It is a give-and-take relationship. Just open your hearts, be kind, and pave the way for happy bonding. The two women can enjoy a wonderful relationship built on mutual respect, love, and support.”
MIL and DIL need not be best friends but can have a cordial relationship. Warm relationships can be built with empathy and good communication. Small gestures of appreciation can strengthen the bond. Both women should address any misunderstandings and frictions calmly and respectfully.

Family Dynamics

Dr. Aman Bhonsle, (Ph.D.) a Consulting Psychotherapist and Relationship Counselor, Mumbai, says, “The daughter and mother-in-law relationship is no longer competitive but a collaborative one. Education has made a big difference. Today, the kitchen is no longer the only focus of a woman's life. One must remember that the mother is a teacher and so will teach and preach. Always keep a positive frame of mind to be able to overlook shortcomings. Encouraging open conversations and mutual understanding can help bridge the communication gap between the two women. Both must focus on being friendly, supportive, and respectful.” A mother-in-law must keep up with technology as it helps to communicate with the next generation.

The DIL must understand that in the current era of technology, the older generation is nostalgic about yesteryears. Dr Aman adds, “MIL must understand that a DIL who is a career woman has work-related stress too. Both women must find something to bond over like joining a dessert-making class or dance class together. Practice tolerance to cope with minor issues, both should not score a victory point 'competing' subconsciously.”

The basic mantra of a successful relationship is patience, respect for each other’s perspectives, adjustment from both, appreciation, and acceptance.