When three’s company

Post her divorce, Malaika Arora has often been spotted with beau Arjun Kapoor around town. But recently, what caught everyone’s attention was her 14-year-old son Arhaan hanging out with them. The couple, rumoured to be married soon, seemed to be at ease with the new equation between them as they lunched together, setting a perfect example of how the new age stars and their children are on the same page when it comes to their divorce or finding love again.

In the past, there have been many instances of divorced parents falling out with their children when another partner came into the picture. But now, the parents are taking initiatives to iron out any ill will that may arise in the due course. Malaika even went on record to talk about the support she received from her son after the divorce. In a chat show, she’d said,  “I would want to see my child in a happy environment than be subjected to an environment that is completely disruptive. With time, my child is far more accepting and happier. He can see that we both are far more content than we were in our marriage. He did actually turn around one day and say to me, ‘Mom, it’s good to see you happy and smiling’.”

Another instance of a perfect equation is that of Saif Ali Khan’s children Sara and Ibrahim, with his second wife Kareena Kapoor Khan. Saif who comes across as one of the coolest dads, reveals how gracefully his family handled the relationships. “You have to get everything right. I mean, it’s not a situation that anybody wants to really be in. But since it’s there, you make the most of it by being as decent as you can about everything. Sometimes when you’re separated, you kind of compete for the child. Basically, you’re trying to say you’re better than your ex-partner. But children are half you and half them, so you are actually damaging them,” he said, adding how lucky he was that his children handled his new relationship well. “The problem is that you, for some reason, felt the need to move on. That’s bad enough for the children, but you can’t move away from them. You have to balance them. I’m very lucky because if Sara or Ibrahim decided to be extra emotional or selfish, I’d be in trouble. Also, Kareena has been amazing. She’s very kind and understanding with me, first of all, and with them,” he said in an earlier interview.

Former Miss Universe and actor Sushmita Sen’s social media posts are flooded with happy pictures of her daughters — Renee and Alisah — with her boyfriend Rohman Shawl. The Kashmiri model has often been spotted at family events and looks at ease with Sush’s daughters. Similarly, actor Arjun Rampal, too has spoken about his daughters Mahikaa and Myra, being understanding about his relationships.

Actor Farhan Akhtar separated from wife Adhuna Akhtar after 14 years of marriage and has two daughters, Shakya and Akira. Now, with rumours of his impending marriage with Shibani Dandekar growing stronger, the actor has apparently taken both his daughters into confidence about this new phase in his life.

Suneeta Kanga, an expert in international etiquette, believes that the behaviour of children towards their parents’ love life or otherwise has become more accepting. “The young kids are very open about things. They have started  to think that it is a good thing for their parents to find love again. The parents also maintain a civil relationship with ex-spouses.   The young generation right now is very inclusive of everything, which is a great thing. They are inclusive about people’s choices in love,” she says.

Actor Renu Desai, who was earlier married to the actor-politician Pawan Kalyan, is ready to tie the knot for the second time. The duo has a 10-year-old daughter and 11-year-old son. Speaking about the best way to approach children about their new life partner, she said, “In Indian culture, divorce is still a newer concept. You have to explain it to them intelligently, without dumbing it down. Today, my kids are supportive because I have been honest and have given them respect,” she says.

Talking about the best way to communicate the situation to their children, she goes on to add, “If parents have decided to divorce, the only way to make sure that children are not affected is by not disclosing the couple’s differences in public. My children have never seen us have angry vibes or talk ill about each other. The respect remains intact and that gives the kid a healthy outlook. Also, it is very important to be as honest as possible. Kids are way more resilient than what we give them credit for.”

Clinical psychologist Nikita Jain says, “Children are far more observant than we adults understand. They know what is happening between their parents or how a father or mother has found happiness with someone else. The moment the parents decide to be honest with the children, the young minds feel respected and important. They also look at their parent’s behaviour and if it has a positive influence by the new man or woman in their life. That is what celebrities do now. Since their lives are in the public space anyway, they want to make sure that their children don’t get to know about a new partner from someone else. This can have a bad influence on their relationship.”