To Live-In or Get Married?

The Allahabad High Court recently criticised live-in relationships, seeing a “systematic design to destroy the institution of marriage… destabilise the society and hinder the progress of our country.” The Court also said women in live-in relationships which didn’t work were likely to be victims of social ostracism and indecent comments, and find it difficult to get other partners, either for similar live-in relationships or for marriage, whereas men in such relationships were not similarly encumbered.

On the flip side, the rise in divorce rates proves that marriage has transformed from a bond that was meant to last a lifetime into a partnership that may end. Cohabitation has also become a popular choice. For instance, actor Arjun Rampal and model Gabriella Demetriades have no plans to wed. They currently share a home and are raising their two sons together.

Though live-in relationships are getting more common, there are diverse views on the subject.

Testing the waters

Shahzeen Shivdasani, relationship expert and author of the book ‘Love, Lust and Lemons’, says, “The older way of thinking was that if you move in with your partner, they will get too comfortable. But our generation is in a completely different space. The rates of divorce and breakup are high, things have really changed. A couple may enter into a live-in relationship for a variety of reasons. Increasing failures of marriages, whether arranged or love matches, is the most significant factor contributing to the rise in live-in relationships. If the partners find after a few months of being in a live-in relationship that they are not compatible, they can easily end the relationship.”

Shahzeen highly recommends that a couple lives together prior to marriage, and learns everything about their partner — their habits, their lifestyles, the way they handle finances, their dreams, their goals, their morals, their integrity. “It’s important to assess all of these things before you say ‘I do’ to someone,” she asserts.

The security angle

While live-in relationships are becoming more common, the question of whether they provide the same social and legal protection as marriage persists.

“Generations are raised with the security of a strong foundation within the confines of a marital union, where values are instilled, traditions and customs are passed down. On the other hand, a situation where partners are constantly changing is like building on shifting ground. It undermines the stability necessary for societal cohesion, emotional health and personal development. Such fleeting relationships are unable to withstand the hardships that life will inevitably bring, because of their very nature,” says Shiv Khera, author, activist and motivational speaker, best known for his book You Can Win.

“The choice between marriage or live-in relationships represent a choice between a solid fortress and a transient mirage, respectively. The foundation of a prosperous society is represented by the former, which stands for commitment and continuity. The latter, which is characterized by transience, cannot offer the same level of security and stability,” Khera says.

What the law says

Live-in partnerships in India are not legally recognised as a formal union. The Supreme Court of India, on the other hand, has ruled that living together as partners without getting married is not illegal or a criminal offence. Because the Indian judiciary recognises live-in partnerships, the parties in such cohabitations are protected. Not only are these partnerships legal, but there are legal provisions that give women in these unions certain privileges. These include the right to be protected from domestic violence, the right to property, and the right for children born in these partnerships to partake in inherited property.

‘Marriage is just a label’

Living together or cohabiting, formerly kept a closely guarded secret, is now more or less an accepted part of adulthood.

Mugdha Godse and Rahul Dev, who have been in a live-in relationship for ten years, remarked in an interview recently, “While marriage is a topic of discussion, we are very happy the way it is right now. Living together is nothing less than being married, believe me. Why do you believe individuals marry? Perhaps they seek stability, relationship categorization, a sense of closeness, and so forth. We already have all of those feelings for one other. Furthermore, our mental processes are significantly different. We are financially, emotionally, and mentally secure,” Mugdha said.

“I’ve witnessed several relationships and learned that no one style of living life with someone is correct. Marriage does not ensure loyalty or love. And it frequently carries more baggage than stability. Living with my partner was an obvious choice for me. Neither of us feels compelled to marry. Our commitment to each other is founded on the fact that we choose each other every day and strive together to build a life with one another. The legitimacy of marriage is unimportant to us as a couple. And now, laws are in place to protect the interests of couples who choose to live together and society has become more accepting of the concept,” says Rewa Khare Sharma, marketing and social media expert.

Destination Splitsville

Does getting married really make you happier? Think again. The rise in divorce has transformed marriage from a bond that was meant to last a lifetime into a Partnership that may end. Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, Bill and Melinda Gates, Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen, Aamir Khan and Kiran Rao, Hrithik Roshan and Sussanne Khan, and Arbaaz Khan and Malaika Arora are a few famous couples who called it quits after more than a decade of marriage. Where as cohabitation has also become a popular way for two individuals to live together.

Here are a few other famous pairs who decided to part ways

Sofía Vergara and Joe Manganiello ended their seven-year marriage due to “different attitudes.”

Reese Witherspoon and Jim Toth divorced after 11 years of marriage

After four years of marriage, Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner have decided to part.

Different perspective

Some live-in relationships end in marriage, such as in the case of Saif Ali Khan-Kareena Kapoor, Ranbir Kapoor-Alia Bhatt, Kunal Kemmu and Soha Ali Khan, while others continue to be happy in their live-in space, like Tulip Joshi and Captain Vinod Nair.

Actress Neena Gupta didn’t let Masaba live with Madhu Mantena (now her ex-husband) before marriage. Masaba told Twinkle Khanna on her podcast, “I wanted to live in with Madhu before getting married. She said, ‘I have made this mistake and you are not going to make this mistake. If you are sure about it, just get married.” Masaba added that her mother thought it would be easier to leave if people are not married. Dimple Kapadia advised Twinkle Khanna and Akshay Kumar to live together pre-marriage, revealing different viewpoints.

A couple may enter into a live-in relationship for a variety of reasons. Increasing failures of marriages, whether arranged or love matches, is the most significant factor contributing to the rise in live-in relationships. If the partners find after a few months of being in a live-in relationship that they are not compatible, they can easily end the relationship” — Shahzeen Shivdasani, relationship expert and author

Living with my partner was an obvious choice for me. … Neither of us feels compelled to marry. Our commitment to each other is founded on the fact that we choose each other every day and strive together to build a life with one other. The legitimacy of marriage is unimportant to us as a couple. And now, laws are in place to protect the interests of couples who choose to live together and society has become more accepting of the concept” — Rewa Khare Sharma, marketing and social media expert

The choice between marriage or live-in relationships represent a choice between a solid fortress and a transient mirage, respectively. The foundation of a prosperous society is represented by the former, which stands for commitment and continuity. The latter, which is characterized by transience, cannot offer the same level of security and stability” — Shiv Khera, author, activist and motivational speaker