Love beyond numbers

They say, ‘age is just a number’ if you really love someone. But age gaps in relationships are fascinating to many of us. Whether we are horrified, intrigued or are all for wishing the couple luck, a dramatic age gap piques our interest. Singer Robin Thicke and his girlfriend April Love Geary have been the subject of interest for fans all around the world recently. On their recent trip to Maldives, April joked about the couple’s 18-year age gap on Instagram, by posting a picture with the caption saying, “We’re out here living while most of y’all are still bothered by an age gap.”

While a lot of people have been scandalised by the age gap, celebrity couples having a huge age gap isn’t news anymore. Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are 11 years apart, Jason Statham and Rosie Huntington Whiteley have a whopping 20-year age gap, and although they aren’t married anymore, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore were 16 years apart when together. Closer home, Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor Khan are 10 years apart.

Life coach Khyati Birla thinks that as long as the relationship comprises of two consenting adults, the age gap doesn’t matter. “Age is really just a number — a person’s physical age is in no way a reflection of their mental age,” she says.

Relationships with age gaps come with several challenges. The first challenge, quite ironically, is one caused by people worrying about the relationship.  Khyati suggests that couples needn’t pay any attention to such criticism because it isn’t healthy. “People are bound to make judgements and pass unnecessary statements. I think couples with an age gap shouldn’t bother much with such comments and just take them with a pinch of salt,” she says, adding that such negativity doesn’t contribute to the relationship at all.

The second challenge often comes from the differences in the couple’s experiences and perspective. However, this is something that both Khyati and, consulting psychiatrist, Kinjal Pandya, think can be overcome.

“Two consenting adults are more than capable of making their own decisions. As long as they understand each other’s needs and expectations from the relationship, they won’t fail. Their life goals and expectations need to be balanced for a long-lasting relationship,” says Khyati.

“Like every relationship, be it an arranged marriage, a brand new marriage or a new relationship, these things need to be discussed before things go too far,” suggests Khyati.

While no one can tell for sure when a relationship can crumble, Kinjal thinks an age gap does affect the relationship. “I’m all for people from different age groups falling in love, but age just being a number and nothing else is true to only a certain extent,” says Kinjal, adding that one’s age reflects on their personality.

“People’s age sets up their thinking, their personalities and their upbringing — these are the three most important things affecting any relationship,” she says. Kinjal also points out that physical and emotional needs need to be compatible, “Only then can a relationship flourish,” she adds.