How to keep your New Year's resolution

Are you someone who doesn’t have a great reputation when it comes to New Year’s resolutions? You are not alone! But Nicole Gravagna, a PhD in neuroscience, and author of MindSET Your Manners, explains why we find it difficult to keep them, and offers great advice. 

“In order to lose weight, for example,” she says, “you must put on tight clothes and workout in front of a room full of people — which you’re likely to avoid, because it makes you feel uncomfortable.” What you really wanted in the first place, she says, is to feel comfortable.

So, in order to make changes in your life, all we need to do is to get to the crux of the matter. What do you mean when you say you want to get fit, spend more time with your family, or get a better job?

Here are the top nine tips from a neuroscientist

• Write down or say out loud what you want to change about your life.
• Write down or say out loud what it means for you? Like the example above, ask what does fitness mean to you?
• Next, think about your relationship with that sense. In the previous example, you’d think about your relationship with comfort since that was the underlying meaning of fitness.
• Ask yourself if you are willing to change your relationship to that underlying meaning. Are you willing to change your relationship to comfort? The answer might be no.
• Periodically, repeat the first 4 steps. What do you want to change, what does that mean to you, what is your relationship with the meaning, and most importantly are you willing to change your relationship with the meaning?
• When your answer to ‘Are you willing to change your relationship with the meaning of this desired life change?’ is a thoughtful and resounding yes, then you will be able to make the change permanently without a lot of the backsliding that people generally associate with big life changes.
• Feel the old sorrows, disappointments, and anger that will probably be attached to those arguments. You might find yourself recalling ancient pain from a school gym class incident. Let it happen. Feel it. And let go.
• Argue with yourself. Rationalise, wave your hands, and defend your past choices — you are stepping into the kind of fertile ground that allows you to make a change. Keep trying to talk yourself out of it. Denial is a legitimate step in the process.
• This whole process could take an hour to weeks. Permanent change can take time. Be patient. Tell your mind ‘good job’ each time it reveals a new feeling or argument. Listen to it like you listen to a child talking about a nightmare — with compassion and attention, but the awareness that the nightmare is an illusion of danger, not real danger.

- Source: www.indy100.com