Change yourself first

Speak to any youth fired with idealism and he or she will tell you that the world is in a shambles and what exactly should be done about it. Meet that person 20 years later, and if he or she is lucky enough to have evolved, they will look at you rather more peacefully and humbly and share that their dream of changing the world has culminated only in the intention of changing themselves.

The need to change the world is ego-driven, based on the belief that the world is all wrong. It is only after dint of inner work that we come to realise that our perception of the world is based on our perception of ourselves and life, and that if we could change this perception, the world would appear to be different. There is the old story about Krishna calling forth Yudhisthir and Duryodhan and bidding them to travel around the world. Yudhisthir was asked to bring back a single bad person and Duryodhan to bring back a single good person. Both returned, having failed at the task. Yudhisthir could not find a single bad person, and Duryodhan a single good person. We see the world as we are!

But changing our perception of the world is not the only benefit of changing ourselves. The only effective and surefire way of changing the world is to change ourselves. When difficulties arise in a job or relationship, instead of changing the job or relationship, can we change ourselves? 

At every stage, instead of blaming others or God, can we take responsibility for our life situations and work on changing ourselves? Becoming patient, instead of impatient, cooling down our anger, dropping our quickness to judge another, learning to accept rather than resist situations or people, forgiving ourselves and others for all that happened in the past, and healing our wounds. 

I have found that no matter what spiritual sadhana we adopt, be it yoga, meditation, affirmation, seva or prayer, the key to self-change revolves around two tools. The capacity to become aware of oneself — one's thoughts, feelings, habitual behaviour patterns, belief systems and so on — and the capacity to accept these. 

The more we accept ourselves, the quicker we will free ourselves of our limited belief systems about ourselves or life. “I am bad, I am absent-minded, I am inefficient, I am a gossip, I am technologically challenged”. The more aware we become of these beliefs and the more we accept them, the less power they will hold over us.

That is all we need to do to change ourselves. We don't have to punish ourselves, shame ourselves, push ourselves beyond our capacity, or bully ourselves. Self-change is rooted in self-love and self-acceptance. 

The more we change, our perception of the world becomes softer. We cease to see others as villains and ourselves as helpless victims. We see that everyone, just like us, is struggling to do their best in the swarming sea of life, and that they too, like us, are hobbled by their belief systems, their hurts and their past. 

The more we see, the more we understand and the less we judge. Compassion wells within us, and love follows close behind. When we look with love at the world, it is astounding how much love is reflected back to us. The same people who appeared tough and aggressive will melt towards you, babies will gurgle when they see you, animals will flock to you, people will be drawn to you and perhaps inspired by you. When you change, others change.

The writer is former editor-in-chief of Life Positive magazine and founder, facilitator of the Zen of Good Writing Course. Contact her at sumavarughese@gmail.com