Kerala: What's in a hug?

Thiruvananthapuram: Hugging between a boy and a girl in a higher secondary school is not common in Kerala.  So when two students of St Thomas Central School, Mukkolokkal,  displayed their affection publicly during a youth festival held on the campus on July 21, the management dismissed the boy and ‘removed the girl from the school register.’This has brought  to  focus  the   issues of discipline, privacy and child rights.  Does the  school have the power to regulate the behaviour of students and what  constitutes a decent behaviour and indecent behaviour?  However, the CBSE has decided  not to harm the students concerned – the boy aged 17  of 12th class and the girl aged 16 of 11th. CBSE regional officer Dinesh Ram  clarified that a decision  will be taken keeping  in mind the interest of the students  and that they would not lose their academic year.

Though the Kerala State Commission for Protection of Child Rights  asked the school run by the Mar Thoma Church Educational  Society to take back the students, the school approached the  High Court, which on December 12 stayed the decision. Kochi-based psychiatrist Dr C.J. John says that the increasing cases of issues reported from campuses worried him  about the disabilities in teaching skills.  

“Teaching is not all about knowledge transfer only. It  is also about application of psychological skills. The point of discussion is  whether the hug was  long   or  short. Even  if it was a hug with sexual tendency it was natural at teenage. The  problem is  that teachers do not have the psychological skills to deal  with it. They opt for the easier way of disciplining the child, that is  throw  them out,”  says  Dr John. Dr  Aravind Thampi, assistant professor at the psychology department of SN College, Chempazhanthy,  said that the issue is not who is right and who is wrong. 

“It has to do with cultural  differences with many students from other states and NRIs also in the list. There is an  identity crisis for  students caught between the real world  and the virtual world. The teachers are caught in the  time warp to adapt to the changing times. The management  is caught  between the volatility of the students and the expectations of  discipline. The teachers fail to individually connect to  students in a class where the teacher student ratio is 1:40 or above. The BEd curriculum is inadequate to have a  proper psychological approach while dealing with such problems. This makes the managements and the teachers take the easiest route throw out the undisciplined,”  said Mr Thampi.

Mr. Balamurali, founder, Greenvalley International School, Peyad, Thiruvananthapuram,  said that parents and teachers should have more trust in students. “It will enable us to have an open discussion  on any issues they face,  including attraction towards opposite sex at  teenage. If children are brought up in an environment where they like to seek the help from teachers and parents for their adolescent  problems, they will be self-disciplined and mature enough to solve  their teenage problems. Teachers and schools should stop treating children like dump fellows without having values; rather they need to  inculcate moral values and social conventions through dialogue and  reflection. By threatening and creating fear we can't inculcate moral  values in them,”  said Mr Balamurali.

 Mr  Anil Philip,  whose child was a former student of  the school,  thinks that the schools follow double standards.  This same school did not have the guts  to sack a teacher who allegedly molested a girl student of class V a few years back. Despite several complaints, nothing happened and finally,  the student had to leave the school, said Mr Philip.

Meanwhile, the alumni of the school have initiated a campaign in the change.org seeking the readmission of the students in the school. The petition initiated by one Preeti Krishnan in the portal has over 2500  till now. The petition says:  “As alumni, we are extremely upset and dismayed at how our alma mater has chosen to respond to what very apparently seems to be a rather innocuous adolescent behaviour, in which no harassment  or assault was involved. 

We believe that the school should aim to develop future citizens who can participate in the world in thoughtful and creative ways. Given how men and women are encouraged to  participate equally in all aspects of our lives - science, politics,  technology, medicine - it seems anachronistic that the management of a  co-educational institution  believes that “hugging and handshakes  between a boy and a girl on the school premises were against the  discipline and conduct of the school rules.”

It depends on cultural context: Aravind Thampi

Experts are of the view that there are different types of hugs indicating different things in different contexts, different people and different cultures. There is the friendly hug, the romantic hug, passionate hug and so on. The hug which may seem offensive for one person may not be offensive to another person or even to the same person in a different situation.

Aravind Thampi, assistant professor of SN College, Chempazhanthi told DC that there was no definite criteria to distinguish each hug. It depends on the cultural context. For example, people of Britain do not publically express affection. They are very formal and may wish you by just a handshake. People of America on the other hand, are passionate in their relationships. They express friendship through a hug, said.

The meaning of each hug may vary according to situation and also on the person whom you hug. There are no hard and fast rules which govern them. It may even vary from person to person, Mr Thampi said. However, one way of identifying different forms of hugs depended on duration and intimacy. However, there are no rules that define each type of hug. They are also very much depended on the culture in which one lived, said Mr Thampi.