In South Korea the dog wags the tail

Reports filtering out of South Korea suggest the denizens there are opting for ‘pet parenting’ in favour of having children. This opens up an interesting line of speculation. Pet dogs are being spoilt silly with expensive toys, gifts and plenty of love. Pet shops in Seoul are doing roaring business. The general view is that having children, looking after them and having to deal with a host of emotional baggage as they mature into adults, have put the South Koreans clean off perpetuating the human race. The high cost of education in the country does not help either. Incidentally, the reports are conspicuously silent on where the North Koreans stand on this issue (pun unintended). All this has resulted in the country’s birth rate plummeting to 1.05 births per woman, the lowest in the world. By contrast the pet population is growing at an exponential rate as more and more people elect not to have babies. Many remain single.

This has got to be the most unique way of controlling a country's population. In one master stroke, the South Koreans have tackled the problem of overpopulation and at the same time, lest they run the risk of becoming feeling-less zombies, have found a neat way of expending all their pent-up emotions on pets. It helps that dogs have a limited life span and there is no real danger of the planet being overrun with our canine friends limping into their geriatric 80s and 90s, like we homo sapiens. This puts paid to the nasty rumours one hears now and then that the Koreans, along with a few other nationalities, are fond of dog meat. How can one credit such rumours when they appear to be preferring dogs to keep them company in their dotage to human children? Perhaps one needs to investigate in North Korea or China, countries with bizarre and exotic dietary habits.

Now what lessons can we in India learn from the South Koreans? It is always salutary to keep a broad mind and take what is sensible from other nations and try and adapt the same to our own unique situation. India, as per official statistics, is currently coming apart at the seams with a population of 1.3 billion humans - and counting. I felt it would be an intriguing idea to talk to a cross section of prominent individuals and see what they had to say about South Korea's unique approach to population control, and if we in India can gainfully pinch some tips from them. I posed the same question to all of them to maintain consistency and not be diverted towards irrelevant asides. The question was: ‘The South Koreans are adopting pets and eschewing human procreation as a means of keeping their population in check and avoiding all the headaches and heartaches that go with bringing up children. Given India's population and poverty problems, is there a lesson we can learn from our Asian friends?’ I must emphasise that these responses were allegedly given by the persons concerned, but there is no certainty as to their veracity in these days of digital chicanery. That said, they do sound plausible.

Yogi Adityanath, CM, Uttar Pradesh - ‘We have the greatest respect for animals in India. Why do you think we have been struggling to stop this barbaric practice of beef eating? Even though the Constitution of India bans cow slaughter (Article 48), many states do not abide by it. Of course, I agree with you that we cannot keep cows at home and buy them toys like the South Koreans are doing for their dogs. We are allocating '622 crores to build cow shelters, but people keep complaining of too many cows on the streets and in school compounds. If you want to follow the South Koreans’ example, stop having children. Better still, don’t marry. Jai Ramji ki!’

Mamata Banerjee, CM, West Bengal - ‘Why peoples should not eat the beef? The beef is lean, nourishing and nutritious, so how you can say it is bad? What about goats? Tomorrow you will say no maach (fish)? This is too maach. Bengalis will die!  Cholbe na! Constitution can say anything, but we have to look after our peoples. The whole leather industry in my state will suffer. Who is South Korea? Where is South Korea? I am not concerned with them. Marriage industry is also very big in India. So I say, marry and have children. And dogs also.’

 Maneka Gandhi, Union Minister and Animal Rights Activist - ‘Cruelty to animals has been my biggest beef. Pardon the accidental pun. I have been crying hoarse about ill-treating not just cows and dogs, but even snakes and other forms of animal life. But does anyone listen? Now the South Koreans have shown the way by declaring that they would rather have dogs in their homes than children. Some people in India think they are barking up the wrong tree, but I tell you what, instead of bitching (sorry) about cows, let us each adopt a dog. Till the cows come home.’

The President, Kennel Club of India - 'I must congratulate the South Koreans for their far-sightedness. We hold dog exhibitions all over the country every year, but we see only pedigree dogs being shown. I have now decided to hold an exclusive show for street dogs for adoption. The exhibition will be open only for unmarried men and women and childless couples. I wish to make a start in India by taking a leaf out of South Korea’s book. We have coined a slogan, ‘A dog can be your child. A child can never be your dog.’

The Secretary, Veterinarians Association of India - ‘We have passed a resolution that sterilization of dogs will henceforth be banned. This is to meet the extraordinary demand for breeding our canine chums, thanks to the brilliant example set by the South Koreans for keeping dogs in favour of having children.’
Bow-wow to that.