Official overtures

Unlike some of my high-minded friends, I cannot lay claim to being the lofty sort who steers clear of gossip. Like all good things, its' best enjoyed in moderation, though I know of a woman who stuck to a diet of gossip-flavoured lattes for a week and managed to lose 5 kilos. I recently overheard three weather-beaten society hostesses discussing an attractive mutual friend who works in PR. It was clearly one of those: let's- be-frank, cutting-edge, no-holds-barred sessions, and the knives were out with a vengeance. Let's just say that their comments were not flattering, with one of them suggesting, 'She should stare at the ceiling, not reach for the skies,' a la Evita. The years rolled away and I was reminded of my management trainee phase when we were indoctrinated in the company culture. My boss, Mukesh, an earnest, former cricketer with a side-parting and a fondness for Brylcreem, had these precious words of advice for us at the end of our first day on the job, 'Don't ever let me catch you fellows searching for a pencil in your secretary's drawers.'

Corporate life is far more stressful these days with increased workloads leading to more time spent at the workplace; inevitably romance blooms on the corporate treadmill and statistics indicate that 85% of affairs start at work. We don't have secretaries anymore - it's all executive assistants nowadays, with the term 'seccy' having fallen into disuse, besides being considered non PC and sexist. Being colleagues provides the perfect cover since lover's trysts can be camouflaged by marketing plans and spreadsheets. Gone are the days when mysterious late night phone calls were fielded with that phony 'wrong number' excuse. Truecaller has well and truly nailed that sucker.

Which brings me to: Danger- Office Romance Ahead — Five Reasons Not to Date Your Coworker, the subject of an essay by Roberta Matuson, who has strong feelings on the subject.

'You spend most of your waking hours at work. You rarely get out for lunch, never mind dinner. Suddenly, Cupid shoots his arrow, and it hits the person in the next cubicle. Your heart starts beating faster and blood rushes to your head. Out with all reason — love is in the air!  Stop. Sure, meetings will be more fun. But how often do office romances work? And when it ends, what will your life be like? Will you be peering around corners and avoiding the company picnic for fear your ex will flaunt a new love interest? Is this any way to live?' fumes Ms Matuson, in a blast of rhetoric Navjot Sidhu may have envied.

She advises restraint on the corporate couch, offering five reasons why dating your coworker might not be the best idea you've ever had.

1. Romance vs. Reality. 
One of you may need to quit if things don't work out. And if things go well, one of you may still have to go, because it's against company policy to date colleagues.

2. One Promotion Later…
If you're promoted, you're now in a relationship with your subordinate. This opens up the possibility of blackmail. And what happens when it comes to conducting reviews and disciplining your honey? 'Your statistics this month are a disaster,' you yell.  Your performance stinks. 'So does yours, especially last night, even after all that Viagra,' she snaps back.  You get the picture?

3. Play It Cool
Still thinking of dating a coworker? You'll need a lot of energy and concentrated effort to keep your office romance private. When others find out you will be the subject of ridicule and suspicion: "I can't believe he's going out with her." "Of course he got the raise. Look who he's dating."

4. It's Not Just About You
You may think this is a private affair, but is it really? Logic tells you your romantic involvement will impact your coworkers directly. If you sit together in the company cafeteria, will people now feel they should give you privacy? Will they censor conversations, because they don't know what you'll be passing on?

5. Harassment Possibilities
Here comes the "H" word, dripping with implications and consequences. If your relationship ends badly, will she tell HR you were making unwanted advances?
Only in politics is one allowed the luxury of strange bedfellows…