Counselling as important as rituals before marriage: Psychiatrists

Chennai: Geethalakshmi (name changed) of Salem, filed for a divorce just three months into their marriage. The reason: she and her husband were incompatible. And she decided to call off the marriage though she was carrying by then.

After having decided to end her three-month long association with marital life, Geethalakshmi broke the news to her parents, who were, of course, shell shocked. But her parents decided to stand by the decision and choice of their daughter and allowed her to re-move with them.

Had Geethalakshmi and her husband opted for pre-marital counselling, may be, their marriage could have been saved. Psychiatrists feel pre-marital counselling is as important as rituals that take place in the run up to the marriage, given the exposure that youngsters have in this cyber world.

Wisdom dawned upon her only when her search for a partner after the divorce ended in vain being a single parent of her toddler. By the time she knocked at the doors of a psychiatrist it was too late.   

With youngsters fast adopting the West and falling in love via Facebook and WhatsApp, love marriages are on the rise. Psychologists say as a result of youngsters jumping into marriages without any background checks – as was the case in the past - the number of divorces is on the rise. Hence, the need for pre-marital counselling.

They also lamented parents or the concerned going for background checks before entering the wedlock. “A few decades back, background checks of the groom/bride and their families was the first step in marriage process. People used to do double or triple checks before wedding. But in today’s world since youngsters don’t want to listen to anyone, their parents are forced to toe their line,” psychologists said.

“Pre-marital counselling is something each couple must undergo. Not many youngsters understand the responsibilities involved in a marriage. Even if one has had a live-in relationship – which is still not so common in many parts of the country – things change, responsibilities change,” said P. Nilam, a counsellor. “If a small fight arises in marriage, one cannot simply walk out on his or her spouse or block him or her for a few days. Educating the couple on the importance of sticking through everything should be done and hence pre-marital counselling is imperative,” she said.

Elaiyaraju, with 104 Health Advice Helpline Services, says he has come across several cases of women being unable to adjust to their in-law’s family. It is therefore essential to prepare both men and women for the marriage.  

“When couples approach us, we give them full-fledged pre-marital counselling, wherein, we try to prepare them for every challenge. We discuss sexual expectations with each of them and any other expectations. We ensure they are comfortable talking about their families openly with each other.”