Go for premarital counselling as suggested by Madras HC, experts tell youngsters

Chennai: Selva (65) and his ailing wife are yet to recover from their only daughter’s death. Unable to pacify their eight -year-old granddaughter, he said he knew there were issues in their daughter’s marriage. But they never thought she would take the extreme step, after she found that her husband had extra-marital relations. “When I got married, my parents and elders at home sat together and discussed the pros and cons of the relationship. Unfortunately, my daughter rushed into her marriage and I did not do enough of background check about him. Had there been some system like pre-marital counselling, my daughter’s life would have been saved”, he said.

In the wake of increasing number of divorces, Justice N. Kirubakaran’s suggestion to Central and state governments to sensitise people about the importance of premarital counselling is hailed by many in the city. He made the suggestion while declaring as null and void a marriage between a 26-year old woman and her husband who married her suppressing the fact he had a heart problem and that he was a cancer patient. These days when most marriages are conducted in haste and hurry, this suggestion can save lots of lives, especially lives of women who invariably become victims in the long run. “It is a welcome move and can be incorporated in school syllabus. There are so many legal remedies which favors women especially, so I think this pre-marital counselling is also another mode of empowering women”, said social activist Ravindran Duraisamy.

Heading a family is not a 10-5 job but a more complicated responsibility that one has to face till death. It is like a school student becoming a university student and later landing in a responsible job. So pre-marital counselling is acutely and certainly important to avoid post marital drama, most importantly to figure out factors like incompatibility, inadequate mental development, discovery of criminal background, discovery of dreaded diseases like HIV. Pre-marital counselling will also address compatibility questions of not just the bride and groom, but also of their families and it might help enjoy the eternal bliss of the family. “Marriage counselling will make them understand the basic nuances of a husband and wife relationship and how they should be united in love and affection. These things have to be given to them because children are being brought up with a materialistic ambition rather than values”, says A.  Arulmozhi, an advocate.

Welcoming the suggestion, R.Y. George Williams, an advocate, said this would reduce the number of cases filed in family courts. A few decades ago, elders or parents used to do such pre-marital counselling to youngsters in traditional joint families. Also, cross checking the whereabouts of not just the bride or groom but the entire socio-economic background of the family was ingrained in our culture and it helped to avert post-marital issues. With the emergence of nuclear families, invasion of pop culture, advent of mobile phones and social media, marriage is fast losing its values and the piling up of divorce petitions in family courts sums it all.

Meanwhile, pre-marital relationship and pre-marital sex have become the order of the day with the pop culture invading our lives. No one would expect the partner to be ‘naïve’ at the time of honeymoon to be ‘inexperienced’. Not surprisingly, couples call off their marriage soon after their honeymoon. “Misconceptions of youngsters about sexual life and marriage create such situation”, says Kala Shibu, a psychologist.

The steep increase in divorce cases is alarming and the post divorce phase is taking a toll on many lives. Former president, Women Lawyers Association, D. Prasanna said over the years petitions filed in family courts had been increasing steadily. People approaching courts are mostly educated. Most of them belong to IT firms, film industries and corporate sector. Over 20 per cent of divorce petitions filed in family courts allege that the husband is impotent. “During divorce counselling, it is found that most men who are exposed to pornography at an young age lose their interest in being romantically involved with their partner in the course of their life. It is a kind of psychological impotency”, she said.

Pre-marital counselling can help save people from many such misconceptions and post-marital problems. The man-woman relationship is as complicated as it is simple.