Right tool to flee domestic violence

THIRUVANANTHAPURAM: If one is being subjected to domestic abuse by a spouse, priority should be set on whether you need an instant or long term relief, say experts. The risk assessment and right external help should be taken to avoid untoward incidents like murders. In few cases, like in the killing of two children by a man and his subsequent suicide at Veli due to fights with wife, unsolved mental disorders also could have come to play. “If a spousal abuse happens, a police complaint should be filed. If no relief comes women can approach women’s commission or court,” said V.U. Kuriakose, the director of Women’s Commission.

As per experts, people who fall in the high-income group approach family courts faster and seek to part ways. Those women who need someone to speak forcefully on their behalf, WC could be the answer. In all cases, if necessary, the help of psychology counsellor is sought by individuals or the agency approached.
“Recently a tippler was sent by the WC to psychologists and then to the de-addiction facility due to his violent behaviour. After 10 days of treatment, he was alright. Luckily, he got a government job, and now no domestic violence happens, and family lives peacefully,” he said.

While intoxicants cause 90 per cent of the domestic violence, family relations also need to be reviewed. Power struggle, bonding issues creates discord. Bonding issues and power struggles within the family are the prime causes that lead to domestic violence, say psychologists. Many of them can be solved with conscious efforts by individuals. “Both disengaged relations and enmeshed relations create discords. One needs to strike a balance. Our social norms generally accept man as the leader in the family. However, a power struggle that happens in the family has to be tackled,” says psychological counsellor Deebu Abey John. The structure of bonding often leads to family discords. For instance, mother-in-law interfering in solving problems often turns counter-productive.

Psychologist Elizabeth Tharian cites a theory on ego state to explain the reason for family discord better. “There is a child-adult and a parent within everyone. The problem happens when one in a couple tries to be parent expecting the other to obey. An adult-adult transactions can always be more,” she said. As per Mr John, self-awareness can go a long way in avoiding anger issues among others. “The moment you become angry, you should become self-conscious. Then only causalities can be controlled,” he says, “A big percent of all the issues have genetic influence also.”