Passive aggression, child’s ‘cry for help’

Bengaluru: ‘I completely forgot about this.’ ‘I will do this, but have something else to do first.’ ‘I didn’t know that this is what was expected from me,’ even after specific instructions. ‘Will be there in a minute,’ but takes longer to reach. ‘I will do it tomorrow,’ while unending tomorrows pass.’

These statements are not new for children of our silicon city. However, when repeated consistently by the child, irrespective of being subjected to accommodative environment/s, the child resorts to Passive Aggression.

Passive Aggression is a deliberate and masked way of expressing feelings of anger right from the pre-schooling years when children learn that ‘compliant defiance’ is better than undergoing punishment (as compiled from multiple definitions).

Studies have explained that passive aggression answers the ‘deafness’ of a child towards doing homework as well as the child’s ‘aversion’ towards particular tasks as subtle signs of rebellion.

“Lifestyle of affluence imparted to children is a potential cause in this regard. To keep children engaged, parents introduce them to gadgets right from their toddler days. This is considered the easiest way to babysit the child during parents’ busy schedule.

In addition to this, the protective wings of concern towards children obstructs them from outdoor activities. Therefore, minimal interaction and addiction to gadgets, makes the child as a mute spectator such that they find it very difficult to communicate feelings/ opinions during conflicting times,” said Smitha Rahul, Counselor and Lecturer.

Speaking about the society’s scornful role, Roseline Gomes, a counselor, lecturer and special educator said, “Passive aggression can directly be attributed to the judgmental society that the children are subjected to.

Constant opinions given in a societal set up, society-induced and/or self-created expectations to reach perfectionism are a few possible reasons that avoid children to open up or communicate their feelings.  

Therefore, the child battles internally with negative thinking, affecting self-esteem and resulting in mental health issues."  

“Parents should educate themselves and understand that child is not of their age. Acceptance of the child’s behaviour with respect to the situation and environment should be given priority and do not indulge in comparing your child with others,” said Augustine, a life skills trainer.

In this regard, how many of us, have actually stopped to identify the cues that lay underneath these repetitive statements? … How many of us have taken the effort to respond to these subtle cues of the child’s cry for help? ... How many of us actually know what these statements can lead to, in the longer run? … Counselors have alarmed the city about this condition emphasizing that, if attended at the early stages, could help the child from depression and anxiety-related disorders, in the long run.

Most of the parents ignore these behaviors and when picked up, they enter into the denial mode. ‘So what?’ is a question that they normally reiterate.

But it has to be considered that these covered projections of aggression often result in being accumulated which could lead to an outrageous response of self-harm mode.

While only a trimester of the academic year has passed, counselors of the city appeals to the family, peer and teaching groups to approach these cues of children with compassion and attend to them to relieve children from anxiety and related issues , such that their endeavors are results of a healthy emotional and psychological well-being.