Shobhaa De | Santa Uncleji, bring us some good cheer soon!

“Polarisation” was declared the “Word of the Year” by Merriam-Webster, the premier US dictionary (“Something everyone agrees on”… Err, not really, dear Webster!) A bit too predictable. When has the world not been polarised through history? If the reference is exclusively to Trump and Harris and the yawwwwnnn 2024 American elections… Hello Merriam-Webster… there’s life on earth beyond America! And over eight billion people out there who don’t obsess over what Americans feel, think or do.

Except when it comes to a masala crime, like Luigi Mangioni’s cold-blooded killing of United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson. There is a vague desi connection to this nasty story. One of Mangioni’s favourite quotes was: “It’s no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.’’ Those are the words of philosopher, cult guru Jiddu Krishnamurti. Ironically, these words sum up not just the state of mind of the 26-year-old Yale graduate with chiselled movie-star looks, but of American society at large. Chances are Luigi will be converted into a folk hero and lauded for what he did: kill a professional “suit” hired to lead a company that let down millions of trusting folks over years. Well, insurance companies the world over function as crookedly. Very few ornery folks ever get the promised payouts. Most are diddled. And yet, how foolish and gullible are those of us who continue to pay hefty annual premiums to make scamster insurance agents even richer?
“Make America Gujarati Again” is the latest “joke” doing the rounds. It could also be interchanged with “Make America Khalistani Again”, going by Trump’s latest appointment. Chandigarh-born Harmeet Kaur Dhillon, a California lawyer, will head the justice department’s civil rights division. By nominating the controversial Dhillon (she faced racial attacks after reciting the ardas at a Republican Party rally), purported to be a Khalistani sympathiser, Trump has upset several Indian supporters who noted Dhillon had once described India as a “Soviet-client state”. That’s not the friendliest comment to make about a country you left at age two and where your father qualified as a doctor, Ms Dhillon.
The “Make America Gujarati Again” refers to Trump’s appointment of Kash (“Call me Cash”) Patel as director of the FBI, which in popular imagination runs the real show in the Land of the Free: it’s the shady, shadowy spooks who call the shots. Well, our Kash has his job cut out for him. The last line of a running joke about his FBI appointment reads: “All international visitors to the USA, whose last name is Patel, will be exempt from visa vetting.” Some of the other wisecracks are pretty funny, as well, like the one that says Kash will direct all FBI field agents to stay only at Motel 6 — Kash’s uncle owns 1,500 of them.
It’s good to see humour in situations that are potentially dodgy or dangerous.

Duniya bhar mein problems hi problems hai! Does anybody care that the bloody (pun intended!) war in the Ukraine rages on and on. And now we have the disastrous Syrian situation to confront, with a few of our fellow citizens being fished out of Damascus and relocated to Lebanon, before heading home. Toppling Assad and dancing on his beheaded statues brought much-needed cheer to oppressed Syrians who’d been forced to endure Assad’s tyranny for 30 fear-filled years. Now that Assad is in Putin’s godi, nobody can touch him. What always beats me is how, historically speaking, tyrants easily escape just in the nick of time. They always have a fast-track exit from the country they have ruled unchallenged with unspeakable brutality. What sort of a “setting” is involved for dictators to flee aaram se and seek asylum offered by other dictators? Where were the heavily-armed rebels when they were needed the most? How is that the airports were not sealed by them to ensure the Bad Guy could not escape? What about intelligence failure at such a critical time? Or is that naïve thinking? Perhaps it’s been a quid pro quo all along, and the rebel leaders “allowed” the monster to leave the country unscathed in return for truckloads of roubles and much more. Keeping the Middle East on a permanent boil has been a notorious superpower tactic for decades. It’s Syria today… Whose turn will it be tomorrow?

In our own backyard at the moment, we are getting jitters at the prospect of Didi leading the INDIA bloc. Are we that desperate? RJD supremo Lalu Prasad Yadav endorsing Mamata Bannerjee, right after Sharad Pawar backed her, is giving citizens sleepless nights. Even though the alternative appears far worse! Rahul Gandhi has advised his motley team to ignore the memo and described it as “posturing” by allies.

Understandable. It’s that time of the year when Rahul Baba takes off for much-needed R&R. Gstaad? St. Moritz? Places where Rahul can be the Essential Rahul — the old Rahul. We miss the Gucci loafers, Bro.

The time for Year End Lists is upon us. Nobody remembers who made which list in any case. But lists provide levity in our grim world.
Being “very demure, very mindful” was all the rage for a while, with our desi celebs posting copycat reels inspired by international biggies. Top trending on “What does it mean?” was a unique, unpronounceable name for a newborn boy -- Akaay. I am sure Virat and Anushka Kohli’s son’s name has a deep and profound meaning. But we are clueless. Then again, Ranveer Singh and Deepika Padukone’s pink bundle of joy has been named “Dua”. And no, not as a tribute to the singer Dua Lipa, whose lacklustre concert in Mumbai was underwhelming, according to fans. The star kid’s name means a blessing. That Baby Dua certainly is … to her gorgeous parents … and Bollywood!

Merry Xmas, readers!

Thus ends #yearinsearch2024. Not with a bang, but a hashtag!