Shobhaa De | The ‘Bandra Boys’ and their Gangsta Rap goes off key…

The “Bandra Boys” are men in their sixties today, no longer wet around the ears. They are terrifyingly wealthy individuals, most of them, including Baba, having business interests in Dubai and other cities like London. For a man who paid his college fees by delivering video cassettes, Baba’s fortune today is conservatively estimated at Rs 15,000 crores (maybe four times that, say those who know about his international dealings).

Did your jaw drop and hit the floor? Mine did. How exactly did this Bandra Boy accumulate so much wealth? How did he acquire prime real estate? Who were his political patrons who made this possible? Maybe this is what the grisly murder is really about. Money. A mega-deal that soured. Forget the Salman Khan Bishnoi Gang kahani. Every day we are treated to a new story by the cops and other sources tracking the case and claiming a breakthrough. It has taken our intrepid Mumbai police over two days to locate a crucial black bag containing the murder weapon, which was apparently lying unnoticed and undetected by the roadside. Maybe our valiant, well-trained police forgot to sweep the area after the crime. Maybe their trained sniffer dogs were not in the mood to sniff. Not just that, they let one of the assassins slip away, while two were nabbed, one hiding in the bushes of a children's park. But are these really the men who orchestrated such a brazen hit on a prominent personality, with a couple of constables guarding him? All the murderers needed to make good their easy escape was firecrackers and pepper spray. Doesn’t it sound ridiculously amateurish for such an important hit job? Apparently, they even hung around a bit after the point-blank shooting, making it easier for the cops to nab them. No getaway cars or bikes... just three killers running into a crowd after the murder.

Come on… you can do better than that! Hire a good Bollywood scriptwriter, from Bandra, to rewrite this nonsensical story which even kids will scoff at.

Remember… Assembly elections have been announced in Maharashtra, and D-Day is around the corner. There is one hell of a lot at stake for all the players involved in grabbing control of the state. Bottomline? Invaluable, priceless real estate. This is where the Baba Siddiqui plot thickens. Was the murder really a “warning” to political rivals, who have nothing to do with black bucks or the Bishnois? Or is it far deeper, more sinister and concerns just one thing: big, big money. And a deal that backfired, a promise not kept, a betrayal involving zillions?

This is Mumbai, meri jaan. These things happen. People get blown away, just like that. Baba was getting into his car on a busy road when the assassins finished their free sherbet and coolly pumped bullets into his chest. As simple as that. Now we hear they’d been conducting recces for a while.

Siddiqui was the target. Possibly, his son Zeeshan too. Their crime? Ostensibly, their closeness to Salman Khan. The hit took place a few minutes after high-ranking police officials left the venue. This is being dubbed a “concerning gap in situational awareness”. Just a fancy term for plain negligence. The police say the main handler is a 24-year-old who leads a gang of 22 members. If true, Mohammed Zeeshan Akhtar must have received training by the very best assassins in the business: Russians. The police boast they retrieved 28 live cartridges, while suggesting these men may have had other targets.
No kidding! Really??? Bad boys!

Enough red herrings have been strewn all over, more than enough to start a herrings’ factory in Denmark. But then again, these are early days of the investigation. As voting day approaches, there will be many more colourful versions of what happened. Was it vendetta politics? One party with a lot at stake trying to discredit the other, with even more at stake? Was it about ‘’protection money’’? Which neta was brokering these deals? Who was the front man? The term “gang wars” was only used by CM Eknath Shinde, right after the killing.

Don’t confuse these suave, smooth-talking “Bandra Boys” with the crass, foul-mouthed Bollywood Wives of Bandra. This breed is unique. Our “Bandra Boys” are as lethal as they are charming. For all of Baba Siddiqui’s public acts of charity, isn’t it a pity that what he’s best remembered for are his lavish, star-studded iftar parties, attended by a section of Bollywood? The one with dodgy, underworld associations. Some needed Baba Siddiqui to bail them out of sticky situations. “Protection money” helps when the going is rough.

People recall the glamourous presence of a bevy of gorgeous, elaborately-dressed ladies with their equally ostentatiously dressed partners, hugging the host on the red carpet. Baba, after all, hosted THE iftar party on the subcontinent.
The cops are still at it, issuing statements about Baba’s “dosti” with Salman Khan being the motive. Strange. For several hours after the news broke, it was not the police but only CM Eknath Shinde briefing the media about the high-profile crime that had shaken the city. Yet again. No, Sir, Mumbai's gang wars are far from over. They have merely hit “pause”. And Bollywood provides the much-needed alibi in these circumstances. After all, Bollywood stars are soft targets. Most lead compromised lives. The myth about the big showbiz clean-up is just that: a myth. Let’s not kid ourselves. The real question is: which party stands to gain the most with Baba eliminated? Which party will point fingers and make the maximum shor as Maharashtra goes to the polls. Passing the buck(s) has taken on a whole new meaning!

Meanwhile, vote for the least offensive candidate from your area on November 20. Keep pepper spray handy: just in case!