The perils of slim-fit

It may be summer, but a cloud hangs over corporate India. Companies are valiantly trying to recruit a diverse workforce, but at what expense? Can it be ignored any longer? It is a bitter truth to swallow, but gender equality has gone over to the extreme side. Consider the spate of high-profile sexual harassment cases. Unprofessional behaviour and salacious gossip have raised their ugly heads in the corridors of power.

Even though it is not politically correct to say this, the reason is obvious. It’s the innate characteristics of one gender that are leading to these situations. Why, we must ask, do they create such distractions? Why are they unable to focus on their work? Why are they so emotional? Of course, by “they” we mean men.

To discuss this problem, a renowned think tank held a seminar on “Men’s Empowerment and Place in Corporate India. Whither change?” and invited an all-women panel to deliberate. Later, one male model was also invited to make the panel more balanced and gender-neutral. His presence added some much-need glamour to the proceedings.

The panel discussed men’s issues over the course of a few days and came to important conclusions about the other half, on their behalf. The psychologists were all in agreement. “We need to be kinder to the fairer male sex,” their statement said, “They have certain biological disadvantages that we just cannot ignore. For example, mood-swings. A few women — not all women — will have this a few days in a month, but men suffer from it on a daily basis.”

Indeed, dear reader, it will help us all if we develop some empathy for men during “those times of the day”. Suggested strategies include asking men if they would like some time off with a cup of tea to manage their temper. (Another male can be sent off to make said cup of tea.)

You can also lighten the mood by joking about men’s hormonal issues. Why should male-female relations be so serious when we can all laugh at the expense of one gender? The male model said that he has always been very sporting when it comes to jokes, and he urged others to follow his example.
Some head honchos said they were sympathetic to the cause, but maintained that it was up to men to try harder.

“How long will companies keep accommodating men? If they want to advance, they should lean in,” they said, “It is difficult to employ them because they cause distractions. Instead of letting women focus on their work, they try to use love and sex as a way to advance.”

Indeed, when men come to work, they should learn to leave their personal problems behind and not behave like they do on the streets. For example, with the consent of their wives, they can spend some time in exercise. A regular gym session will strengthen their weak knees, and daily yoga can correct roving eyes.
A few bystanders said all this was very biased.

They presented a different point of view. One lady said that men should learn to play to their strengths. “The presence of so many male chefs is an indication that men are best suited to the kitchen. Why consider this a sign of weakness? Men should be proud of their abilities in managing the home. If they are shy about it, we can rename them domestic managers.”

“This is true,” another lady added, “When my granddaughter gets tomato ketchup on his shirt, only my son-in-law is able to remove the stain. There is some magic in his hands, so we leave all the washing to him. Of course, the main problem is he should not be sending Western foods like ketchup in her lunchbox, but what to do? That is the era we live in.”

Lastly, a few HR managers pointed out the frivolous but damaging influences of Western fashion. “See, today, we all work in an open office. Women can see men around all the time. So when men bend down even to pick up something, they are forced to clutch at their chest to avoid attracting improper attention. They waste valuable time worrying about whether to catch their tie or their shirt pocket. If it was up to me, I would demand more professional attire.” Indeed, how will men climb the corporate ladder when they are wearing slim-fit pants?