Success trap
Success can be a tricky element in the dynamics of human relationships, especially when the wife is a few steps ahead of her husband.
Success is the stuff of dreams, aspirations, fantasies. Often hard-won, at times a mere flick of fate. It has an aura, a sheen. It can be a meteoric rise to stardom, a legendary rags-to-riches. A strange and heady mix of sweat, grit, kismet, talent, dreams and daring. But it’s also a tricky element in the dynamics of human relationships. And many a marriage has struggled and splintered when the scales of success have tipped more generously in favour of one of the partners.
Traditionally, the wife has always been known to be the supportive presence behind a successful man. But in modern times, there are also wives who are more successful, celebrated, recognised and popular than their husbands. And it takes a very special man with a broad mindset to take pride in his wife being more successful than him, instead of letting ego come in the way and feeling piqued at walking a few steps behind her. There are some who have got that right. And for those couples, it is love, and not success, that trumps all else.
Stars and the spotlight
For stars, the center stage and spotlight are measures of success. The red carpet was the stage for a little spot of drama recently, when Abhishek Bachchan walked off, apparently in a huff, while being photographed with wife Aishwarya at the premiere of her movie Sarbjit. He was reportedly irritated at the photographers for focusing primarily on Ash and sidelining him. He strode away even as she struggled to compose her shocked expression.
The pictures went viral and sparked a flurry of speculations and stories about their marriage being on the rocks, attributing that to Abhishek being insecure of Aishwarya’s stardom. An Abhimaan moment, the episode got labelled. But the couple quashed the rumours when soon after they were photographed on a late-night romantic drive.
A friend of the couple brushed off the awkward moment as: “Just a normal miyan-biwi tiff, a bad moment between the two caught on camera. Are they not human? Can’t they have unguarded moments in public?” And Abhishek put the lid on all speculation by reiterating his pride in his wife’s talent and achievements, “I am sorry to disappoint those looking for a scandal here. But we are very happily married and we intend to remain that way. I am very proud of my wife and all her achievements.”
Upbringing and values
Upbringing and values inculcated in childhood often determine whether a man celebrates his wife’s achievements or feels threatened by them. For Sangita Reddy, Joint Managing Director, Apollo Hospitals, her husband is one of the strongest supportive pillars in her life.
“My husband, Konda Vishweshwar Reddy, has a bold frame of mind and he comes from a family where his sisters are highly educated and professional. He is used to being with working women in the family,” she says, adding, “He has also assisted me in my success as he has an IT background and has helped me in steering the IT initiatives in Apollo. Further, he has been accommodative of my travel schedules. He is a very confident person and in no way insecure about himself. Currently he is a Member of Parliament representing Telengana Rashtra Samiti from Chevella in Telengana and is more popular than me. Even in the early days, he was self-confident and self-assured. Part of it also comes from our understanding of each other.”
A strong friendship
Prof Pritimoy Bhattacharyya may not always be seen by the side of his high profile better half, chairperson of the country’s largest lender, SBI, Arundhati Bhattacharya, but the two always feel they are close to each other. “That’s because more than being husband and wife, we are very good friends. We plan and share everything. We share our joys and excitements, we share our worries and agonies, we share our professional challenges… we share everything. We discuss and analyse various personal and professional situations and then discuss strategies together. Both of us love our work but more imporantly, we love and respect each other’s work,” says Bhattacharyya, former professor at Indian Institute of Technology Kharagpur (IIT-K).
Bhattacharyya is currently associated with Techno Group and Techno University in Kolkata, Kaziranga University in Assam, Raffles University in Rajasthan in the capacity of advisor and visiting faculty. “Both of us are very busy and constantly on the move. Our contact time may be very less, but whenever we get time to be together, we enjoy it to the hilt. Arundhati, our daughter and I enjoy dining out, watching movies, theatre, cultural programmes. We also make it a point to take family trips at least twice a year and visit close relatives together, regularly. When we are together we enjoy the small pleasures of life,” says the low-key husband of the SBI chairperson.
The IIT alumnus and ex-professor of IIT has no complaints or regrets. “The most important things that keep us ticking is a strong bond, strong friendship and great understanding. I can understand that she cannot give as much time to our daughter as she would or our daughter would love to. I try to make up for that as much as I can,” says the soft-spoken Bhattacharyya.
Partners at work
The bold, beautiful and sexy Sunny Leone is a symbol of desire and fantasy. And her husband and business partner Daniel Weber easily shares her moment of glory, though not all men are comfortable doing so. “I am proud of all of her achievements as we have built this brand together. Sunny Leone is a brand to us as Karenjit is my wife. Together we work hard and build it. It’s not a matter of comfort. It’s a matter of success,” says Daniel.
He doesn’t mind the spotlight focusing squarely on her. “She should enjoy the limelight as she is the one who is in front of the camera. She is who her fans want to see. I am proud of the business we built and enjoy watching her fans respond so well.” Being her business manager and co-owner of their ventures, he handles her professional assignments also. But when asked if he attributes Sunny’s success to his being there for her always, he brushes it off good-humouredly and says, “I’m just doing the best I can at all times.”
Rock steady home front
Trisha Bansal, wife of Binny Bansal, co-founder and CEO of Flipkart, plays the perfect role of a wife behind the scenes, and has her hands full managing marriage and life with a husband who leads a hectic lifestyle.
“Contrary to popular belief, being the wife of a successful man is hard work. There are early mornings, late nights and working weekends which take a toll on my husband Binny’s health. I manage everything at home so that he can take time out for leisure and family. I always ensure I’m around so that the house functions seamlessly,” she says adding, “I ensure that he eats healthy and exercises at least thrice a week. Since Binny has to travel a lot on work, this could be stressful for many, but if I’m stressed out, it could pass on to him too.”
Absence of ego
Industrialist Sethu Vaidyanathan, who is married to Priya Paul of Apeejay Industries, agrees that Indian men are not as supportive of their partners as western men are. “It has a lot to do with upbringing. I come from a Palghat family, which is a matriarchal society. I never saw my dad ever say no to my mother and that is ingrained in me. So as a rule, before I make any major decision, I run it past my mum, sister and wife. There should be a complete absence of ego in marriage. When we got married, Priya relocated to Chennai from Delhi like any other married woman. In fact, when my son was born we shuttled between Delhi and Chennai. But when he reached kindergarten, we had to take a decision and I opted for Delhi. I realised my wife had so much work in Delhi but she had not brought it to my attention. It also became easier for me in many ways as there was a huge support system. Normally, one of us is always with him, but in case both have to travel, we leave him with one of his grandmothers.” “The reason why our marriage works so well is we both married late, our careers were on track and there is no ego,” he says.
Two-getherness
Shirish Kunder is married to director Farah Khan. He, who is often dismissed as “just Farah’s husband”, stated in an interview, “I married someone, who was at the peak of her career. There will come a time I will be better.”
Bio tech queen Kiran Mazumdar is the CMD of Biocon Industries while her husband John Shaw is the VC of the same company. But the bond they share is best summed up through this quote, “It is nice having a wife who is so well known, it gets you through airports quicker, but really it doesn’t influence things between us.” Kiran has referred to him as her ‘greatest sounding board’.
Dr Sriram Nene, a cardiac surgeon in America, relocated to Mumbai with his wife Madhuri Dixit who plunged into the second innings of her career. When quizzed about his wife being the more famous personality, he quipped, “I know who I am and she knows who I am. I’m very proud of her. We are both successful. I think you’re partners in a marriage and you have to behave like that.”
Balance is the key
Madhu Neotia isn’t just the wife of Harsh Neotia, chairman, Ambuja Neotia Group and national president, FICCI), but has also carved her own professional path in the world of arts. The key to getting it right, she feels, is maintaining a balance between the work and personal life.
“While Harsh has been living out of a suitcase this year due to his FICCI engagements, he has always been very busy with work. I was always fascinated by fashion, art and design and have loved to play my part as the managing trustee of the Neotia Arts Trust. But my priority was always the family and children.” About how they strike a work-life balance, she says, “We give a lot of space to each other and extend support silently. And travelling together gives us the opportunity to spend quality time.”
Inputs by Nayare Ali, Subhash K. Jha, Sangeetha G., Ritwik Mukherjee, Namita Gupta, Lipika Varma