Child-Free By Choice

The standard cliché of ‘Shaadi, phir-bacche’ is becoming outdated for many ‘dual income, no kids’ (dinks aka dinky) couples in India. An increasing number of couples are opting for a child-free lifestyle out of choice. Award-winning actor Supriya Pathak Kapur says, “Times have changed and the younger generation has a ‘care-free’ approach. People have second thoughts about bringing up kids.”

No Kids Attached

A survey conducted by Pew Research Centre (2021) shows that 44% of adults (18-49 age) stated reasons for being childfree due to financial conditions and changing climatic concerns. There is a growing population of dinks in India.

Interestingly, the dinky

lifestyle is seen to be adopted by 42% of rural nuclear families vis-à-vis 22% of urban families. Rekindling memories of her own time, Supriya says, “When we got married that was it, you don’t look above and beyond.” The older generations believed in the notion that a child would certainly help ‘bind’ a marriage together. Perhaps, times have changed today.

Young couples have valid

concerns about not having offspring – demanding careers, financial instability, relationship dynamics, climate change, freedom, and lifestyle choices among others. Today’s generation does not pander to societal norms and blindly accepts decisions imposed on them by elders.

For Bengaluru-based couple Divya Maben and Nithin Koshy it is no ‘big deal’ to stay child-free. They are both creative entrepreneurs and find joy in dedicating all their time to themselves, work, and animals. Divya talks about a ‘child-free’ choice being fueled by a deep sense of valuing freedom and focusing their energy on their passions. She says, “The world today feels more complex and challenging. The idea of raising a child is daunting.”

Personal Choice

With the ‘birth clock’ ticking, many wonder if this is just a temporary phase. However, for Divya and Nithin it is a permanent decision. “Our lifestyle and goals align perfectly with remaining child-free,” she says. Renowned writer cum publisher Urvashi Butalia echoes similar beliefs.

In her piece, Childless, Naturally, Urvashi emphasises quite pragmatically that those who choose to stay child-free, do so by choice and do not lack anything. “It’s a choice you make, or sometimes it’s a choice that is made for you,” she says. Urvashi speaks personally about the values she holds close to her heart – independence and freedom, which in a great way come from being ‘child-free’ she believes. However, she acknowledges the emotional investment put into birthing a child by many other women, those for whom this serves as a wonderful and cherished experience in many ways. She adds, “I think our world is big enough to hold all kinds of views.” Child-free couples may not be out in the majority today but still have garnered enough standing of their own. She adds, “It is a small minority but a very visible minority.”

Freedom First

“More money, more time and more freedom to live life on your terms” points out Dr. Mrinal Jha, MBBS, DNB, MRCPsych (London), Consultant Psychiatrist. Dr Jha and his partner Sagarika are a child-free couple out of choice. He shares how these pursuits in many ways define the way the younger generations think today. “Having children is just not compatible with the kind of lives most millennials live,” he says. Dr Jha elaborates how couples with children then serve as a ‘cautionary tale’ for those who decide to go child-free.

Despite the rise of dinks, Urvashi thinks this choice is only limited (sadly) to those who have the ‘luxury’ of choice. Most women in India are denied the choice of whether to have kids or not. She speaks of how advances in medicine have made it possible to delay the process of having children. Divya adds that being child-free helps them pursue their interests and goals at their own pace, and maintain a strong and fulfilling relationship.

Societal Stigma

Many child-free couples who choose NOT to walk down the “parenthood” lane are at times faced with ridicule — called names like ‘sad losers’, ‘selfish couples.’ Dr Nisha Sachdeva, Clinical psychologist talks about the inherent stigma associated with such choices. “There can be isolation thrown forth at such couples.” Many times couples with children may not want to hang out with child-free couples. “Family and society do frown upon child-free couples, sometimes going as far as giving them tags like ‘too modern’ or ‘selfish’ or ‘someone with no maternal feelings’.” Dr. Nisha says it is unfair to call them names. “Sometimes there can be anxieties associated with becoming a parent,” she says. Many have questions like “Will I be a good parent?” or “Will I be able to provide socially and financially for my child?”

Good News

While child-free couples seem positive and firm in their decisions, there is a belief that a flux might be a possibility in the future. Dr. Jha says, “Honestly, that’s not a bad thing. They are deciding to have children when they want, rather than when society expects them to.” Supriya opines that having a child is an experience one should take with time. She is firm that society should not intrude into a couple's personal space. She says, “To each their own. As a society, we should stand by any decision taken by our youngsters.”

Times have changed and the younger generation has a ‘care-free’ approach. People have second thoughts about bringing up kids.” — Supriya Pathak Kapur, Actor

Our lifestyle and goals align perfectly with remaining child-free” — Divya Maben & Nithin Koshy, Creative entrepreneurs, Bengaluru

Family and society frown upon child-free couples, giving them tags like ‘too modern’ or ‘selfish’.” — Dr Nisha Sachdeva, Consultant Clinical Psychologist & Psychotherapist, New Delhi

It’s a choice you make, or sometimes it’s a choice that is made for you.” — Urvashi Butalia, writer & publisher, Zubaan