It is true that women were considered the inferior sex in the 19th century, but I was sure that things have changed now. That is, until I met the very outspoken Kangana Ranaut who spoke very candidly about her complex relationship with her family and her experience growing up in a male-dominated patriarchal society. Not one to mince words or package the truth to look pretty, she said it like it is. I was riveted by her honesty.
The actress recalled the kinds of challenges she faced while growing up in a conservative home, especially addressing the complex relationship between parents and a daughter. Kangana’s ambitions always reached beyond marriage and submissive compliance to their prototype of the ideal “good” girl. She shares, “Growing up, I was made to believe that I was a liability but somehow, despite all these outdated notions surrounding me, I never actually felt that way. I never thought of myself as a burden, so I challenged the beliefs of my parents. Leaving home was my only option and since then, I have gone through failure, humiliation, rejection and even abuse. And it has all taught me so much. The world thought of me as a loser when I started out but I never saw myself as a loser. I know that it is all that rejection and failure that has helped shape me into what you see today. I was ridiculed because of my poor grasp of English and so I took that as a cue to learn English and then reach out to more people.”
It was by consistently challenging stereotypes that Kangana carved out her way ahead. Blazing a trail for all small town girls who feel rejected and side-lined by archaic norms and dominating parents, she created a life for herself on her own terms. And it wasn’t easy. Her stardom is a recent phenomenon, after all.
Her now well known struggle also included an abusive relationship. She had been hit by a man from the film industry and had fallen to the floor, bleeding. To my utmost admiration, she declared, “He did not distort my opinion of me. I got up from the floor and hit him right back so that he bled too. And then I lodged an FIR against him. I realised very clearly and very early in life that I don’t wish to be in any kind of relationship where someone else has an upper hand over me.”
She went on to add that it is important to know your path, your strengths and not allow parents with regressive viewpoints to shape your view of yourself. She recalled that her attempts to style herself and dress differently drew a lot of criticism from conservative neighbours in her home town, Bhambla in Himachal Pradesh. “Sayani ladki kisi ko achhi nahin lagti,” she stressed and added, “Most people thought, ‘she must be a bitch, being in control of herself. The urban feminist. The lizard with frizzy hair!’” She went on to build her own life, unmindful of all such opinions. She was not trying to blaze a trail, damage relationships or be defiant for the sake of it — she was only trying to make for herself a life that she could live happily and with conviction. “I’m not a sati savitri. I’m bad ass!” she signed off.
The writer is a columnist, designer and brand consultant. Mail her at nishajamvwal@gmail.com
