So, 'Bigg Boss 7' is over and Gauhar Khan has won. There wasn’t a contest. Tanisha the foot-mat was hardly going to get votes in a year when angry girls stormed Rajpath and demanded to know why Dhrit-rashtra refused to see, why Gandhari had patti on her eyes, why Arjun was quiet. Bigg Boss offers an opportunity, to rise or sink. Gauhar rose, Tanisha sank. Here’s my list for 'Bigg Boss 8' contestants, people who need a chance to sink or rise.
Tarun Tejpal: Tarunji, a megalomaniacal editor should be made to give English/moral science lessons. He must explain how “misreading of a situation” and “lapse of judgement” can lead to an “unfortunate incident” which on one day is “light-hearted banter” but on another an attempted “sexual liaison” with a reluctant party. Also, how does one do “penance that lacerates” oneself?
Shiela Dikshit: Shiela aunty has been so upset since Kejriwal did jhaaru on her fourth term plans, that she should be invited to BB’s house to vent. But producers must not sanction money to her to build a BRT corridor to go to the loo. If they do, they’d better have pots on the way, in case kisi-ko zor ki aayi ho.
Nigella Lawson: Kisi bhi Indian kitchen mein dekh-lo, when Mission Dinner for Friends and Family is underway, it’s a horror show. Cooking-lady’s brows are knitted in the most complicated crochet knot, streams of sweat flow down her face and back, over haldi and tel ke daag. And the kitchen — it’s the epicentre of an earthquake. Hamari desh ki ladies need to learn from Nigellaji how to look sexy while slaving in the kitchen. And how to get away with serving food while licking one’s manicured fingers seductively.
Justice G.S. Singhvi: Before the BJP government makes retired judgesaab the governor of a Northeast state or appoints a one-retired-judge commission to investigate criminal sexual positions, he should explain ki hamare desh ka culture pyaar se itna threaten kyun hota hai.
Devyani Khobragade: We need Devyaniji to share with us how she negotiated salary with Sangeeta — that while she’ll be telling the whole world that Sangeeta will get a huge sum, the actual salary will be much less. If we learn this skill, all of India — MNCs and neighbour aunties — will have a happy new year.
