Flowers, foreplay and faked orgasms are words often thrown in while discussing women and intimacy. Most men may fumble about women’s emotional needs, but seem to think they’ve got them all figured out in bed. Oh, but have they?
Learn to be considerate
Popular wisdom would have us believe that men more than women are comfortable with all sorts of techniques. While that may hold true for most men, what they don’t indulge in is a game of fairplay.
A lot of women grudgingly fall to their knees while getting intimate and what’s poorer is how the favour is often not returned.
If your partner doesn’t like to be the one doing the carnal lip service, don’t force her. It may not seem like a fair deal, but you can surely from time to time opt for the same route to please her. Sometimes there’s a great deal of pleasure in pleasing someone else. It’s not being submissive, it’s being considerate.
Sensibly use food items
Films, literature and popular culture will have us believe that when a couple dabbles with “experimentation” in bed, they will automatically open the refrigerator for chocolate syrup, cream, strawberries, theplas, curd rice or whatever else. We’re not the ones to judge, but before you head to the kitchen, spare a thought to the added mess this could create.
Unless you’re volunteering to clean up after, the idea of using food for foreplay is more daunting than exciting. Men often feel they’ve done their bit by getting the stuff from the kitchen. While the sex will be fun, the idea that one has to wash blankets, change pillow covers etc. after a heated session is enough to put the lock on the refrigerator.
To cuddle or not?
One of the greatest misconceptions of our time has been this notion that all women like to cuddle after sex.
Granted a lot of them do not like the idea of just the “wham” and “bam” and not much else, the truth is there are lot more of them who like to kiss the man goodnight and hope they don’t end up snoring eventually.
There could possibly be nothing more frustrating for a woman than dealing with a man who believes that cuddling is the norm, when all she wants to do is roll over and doze off. Truth is that some women are just like that; just like how men most often behave. It’s got nothing to do with a tiring day, though sometimes that contributes as well.
One size doesn’t fit all
No, that wasn’t a reference to the protection used. Men tend to presume that all women want endless foreplay and stimulation that lasts hours before the actual act. Granted, sexting is, well, sexy and some provocative repartee goes a long way in setting the mood. But what men fail to see (in bed and sometimes even in life) is that context is everything.
Does she want to indulge in an hour of foreplay after you’ve been building the mood for four hours through emails, text messages and phone calls? Does she have to submit a project in two hours or does she have the entire night ahead of her? Does she want to take it slow or just have a short yet intense and wild session with you? Approach each occasion without the baggage of the previous. Each day is different, so why wouldn’t each night? While several women do admit they’d rather have a short, passionate session, there are others who worry about being perceived as some kind of wanton woman.
Spare her the crankiness
Men often tend to be in denial of their shortcomings in the sack. And those who opt for some self-flagellating (no, not BDSM) keep their focus solely on size. The truth is that for all the pornography widely available and consumed, at the end of the day, we’re only human who make love like real people do. All men would love to go on like a Duracell bunny or be enviably endowed, but reality is not always as kind. And there is no greater buzz kill than a man who is constantly moping, or worse being critical of others in a bid to hide his own flaws. Seriously, do you really think a woman would want to get it on with you after you’ve told her in four different ways how small you are? The idea is to please her, and not have her preserve your ego even in bed. Let that not be the only sizeable thing you’re letting her hold on to. Yes, bad one.
