With an increase in ‘fight texting’ between couples and friends, experts step in to share insights
Hyderabad: Fights can get nasty. In fact, nastier and never-ending if done via text messages. Welcome to the world of fexting! In simple terms, Fexting is simply fighting with your partner or friends via text message instead of confronting them in person. Remember the last time you wrote a nasty, brutal message to someone in a fit of rage? Or the times where your fingers simply couldn’t control themselves but pounce on your keypad, paving the way for a war of words!
Couples, relatives, friends, everyone has witnessed the brutality of fexting. Where fights don’t get solved. They only get amplified. “Fexting or fighting over text often happens because texting feels like a safer option when emotions are high,” says Dr Archana Nanduri, Founder at Vidyaranya Counselling Centre from Hyderabad.
While it’s always a better option (to text) than grabbing the phone and yelling your heart out. Fexting could come with its limitations. “I have seen couples argue passionately over simple misunderstandings both in person and over texts,” says Dr Archana. If the in-person meeting turns into brutal clashes, texting would give individuals a better space to think and use words. Highlighting the limits of fexting she says, “Without proper tone or body language, it’s easy to misinterpret intent, which usually happens in fexting.”
Safe Foul Space
In-person fights and arguments provide space for reconciliation and repair. Fexting on the other hand, would be limited in terms of expressions, intention, body language or facial expressions. Making it even a tedious task to easily gauge at what point is your partner upset. Fexting isn’t a new phenomenon. It’s been around as long as texting has existed. “But Millennials and Gen-Z (18 to 35 age group) are the most prone to fexting,” says Ayushi Mathur, Relationship Coach and Co-Founder of LBD Retreats.
The reason is that they were born with a smartphone in their hands. Ayushi says, “These individuals are more comfortable expressing emotions digitally but are hardly equipped to face the same in real life.”
Fexting could serve as a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it gives you enough time
to gather your thoughts and reply. On the other hand, it allows some people to say all those
ugly things that you wouldn’t have said if you met in person.
Figure Of Speech
There is no magic formula to tackle fexting. Relationships and communication can get complex. They need constant working-out solutions and effective conflict resolutions in place.
Ayushi shares how fexting can be a gamechanger. “Text-based arguments tend to escalate much faster and more intensely compared to face-to-face conversations.” A simple text message can result in a full-blown relationship crisis. Fexting needn’t always be destructive if people approach the situation mindfully. Digital conversations too can offer a structured way to process and accept emotions.
Dr Archana opines that fexting can be put to constructive use by those who find it easier to express their emotions by words. She says, “I have seen cases where partners draft thoughts first to avoid saying regretful things later.”
Fexting helps only when there is prior understanding and some form of mutual agreement, where texting
is used only for clarifying and not for attacking.
Text. Breathe. Repeat
While fexting can have benefits and loopholes, it is for people to choose which side better suits them. Individuals may consider taking a moment to sit back, relax, reflect on their feelings and then explain their point of view to the other instead of fighting via text. “Remember that the person on the other side of the
screen is no stranger but someone you care about,” Ayushi says. Texting isn’t a battlefield. Remember, words wield power; hence, use them carefully!
