The new generation of parents have been unduly protective of their children. Many opt for a single child, which then becomes the focus of all their quality time, energies and emotions. Insecurities apart, the desire to give the child the best of life pushes parents into bringing up children in particularly sheltered settings, insulating the child from life’s harsh realities. The heightened awareness and enlightened values towards parenting and schooling too contribute to pushing the child into a cocoon. Modern wisdom says this is the right way. But is it?
The results of a study that began in the mid-1950s point to the need to revisit our new and recent beliefs. The study by Ruth Smith and Emmy Werner tracked — for nearly four decades — children who had grown up in “adverse conditions”. The results surprised the duo — one out of three such children despite developing serious problems early on, went on to do incredibly well in their lives. So what lessons do we learn from these “vulnerable, but invincible” children, as the researchers called them?
It turns out that sweet indeed are the uses of adversity and in this aspect too the Bard of Avon was bang on about finding the “precious jewel” in the head of adversity, “the toad, ugly and venomous”. A little dose of adversity should as a matter of fact, be prescribed to every child. For it will prepare the child to face the vagaries of life with courage and fortitude. Suicides by children and young adults over failure in examinations or some other “humiliating” reason are therefore preventable, if only the parents and teachers had allowed the child to not only face, but also cope with and tackle minor adversities early in life.
Going by the Smith-Werner research, there will be initial setbacks and in the process of overcoming them the child becomes resilient. How will children learn to solve problems if they had not faced any problem during early life? In a child’s earliest years, adversity is the third best instructor — after parents and teachers. Difficult situations will force a child to seek help from others — friends, siblings and elderly family members. These social and people skills are crucial for success in the modern world. Moreover, going through a rough patch and emerging unscathed or with possibly minor bruises would boost the self-esteem and self-confidence in children like no other personality development workshop could.
Take a look at the lives of great and successful people. Many of them had faced adversity early in life. Be it Oprah Winfrey or Bill Gates or Albert Einstein. India too has its share of such winners who emerged from their lowest. From Rajinikanth to Dhirubhai Ambani and not to forget — Abdul Kalam and Narendra Modi.
But there are as many unnerving challenges parents and educators will have to deal with. Can adversity be simulated? If yes, will it be effective? How does one control and calibrate it to a child’s capacity to cope? What if it goes horribly wrong and the child is scarred for the rest of the life? Who has the moral right and authority to put a child through deliberate hardship? This brings us to the ancient oriental wisdom. Oriental families were designed to nurture a resilient child in safe but challenging environs.
Large joint families in economically poor societies thrived on and succeeded due to resilience. These complex settings enabled a child to be a circus acrobat in life — swinging from dangerous heights, often oblivious of an invisible safety net below. Small, often single-child nuclear families will have to find newer ways of bringing up children. It may not be a wise decision to expose a child to the big bad world out there — with danger lurking at every corner. But at the same time, modern parents and educators should recognise the dangers of over-protectiveness and evolve new challenging models.
The writer teaches journalism at a college in Chennai
