Young Indian women have needs. Why is it a problem?

While the Internet remains divided in opinion, the controversy opens the doors for thought: Is a woman really in the wrong for having great expectations and wanting to commit to marriage only if they are met?

It’s natural and reasonable for both partners in a marriage to have expectations of each other. “The notion that women should not have or express such expectations reflects a double standard, given that men have historically been encouraged to articulate their desires. It’s time we recognise that having expectations is a mutual right in any relationship, serving as a cornerstone for a healthy and honest marriage,” says Trishna Shenai, partner and co-founder at Stillweave, adding, “Having expectations from a partner in a marriage is not only reasonable but essential for nurturing a healthy relationship. It’s crucial for both parties to enter into the union with a clear understanding of what they seek in each other, whether that’s in terms of financial stability, emotional support, intellectual compatibility, or physical attraction.”

Enthusing how young women today are ‘woke’ enough to know what they’re worth; Gautham Jeji, theatre artiste, TED speaker and a reiki counsellor says it’s empowering to see women coming out in the open about what they need. “Honestly, in spite of the controversy the ad has raked up, I personally think it’s empowering to see women finally not shying away from saying what’s on their mind and not settling for less. Especially so when they’re aware there’s a clear possibility of attracting trolls or negative comments. Marriage and expectations of what one desires in a partner are extremely personal issues, and people really shouldn’t have a problem when it doesn’t concern them.”

Echoing a similar stance; Roopa Shetty, advocate and founder of Lexsitus, says individuals often base their expectations on their personal needs, past experiences and understanding. Openly discussing and setting realistic expectations beforehand can lay a solid foundation for the relationship. This approach ensures that both individuals are fully aware of what they are committing to, helping to foster a transparent and fulfilling partnership. “Our expectations are birthed, and engraved in our minds since our childhood — how we believe the world works may be grounded in truth or fantasy or facts or opinion or influenced by our parents. While perspectives evolve over time, one mustn’t neglect their own emotional and physical needs. Healthy relationships thrive on open communication. More so if you’re a woman, since it’s natural to put ourselves last. However keep it realistic to avoid needless disappointments.”

Difference between compromising and meeting someone mid-way

“Open communication is of paramount importance for any relationship — sexual or platonic — to work. The pendulum can swing both ways equally. Know the difference between compromising and meeting someone mid-way. The latter helps to strengthen a bond, whereas compromising only leads to regret. It’s about time people realise that new-age relationships don’t follow archaic rulebooks because women have a voice, and whatever they expect out of a relationship is a personal choice,” concludes Upassna B. Singh, a Life coach and relationship expert.