Who hasn’t heard about a woman and vengeance — how a scorned woman is worse than scorching hell. And yet, men fail to steer clear of situations that could lead to a sharp decline in their numbers on account of failure to appease. Also, to hand it to the women, they took no prisoners and the punishment was never carried out in broad daylight where it would make something of a spectacle. Instead, they would plan. They could plan for years and years before anything resembling revenge could turn up at your doorstep. If it is a dish best served cold, then women knew how to bring the chill to this game.
But sadly, and clearly, even with women, they don’t make ‘em like they used to. From a time when a woman could single handedly ruin a man by (a) being more successful (b) being independent or (c) being calm and aloof while independent and successful, today their ways of getting back at their exmen have clearly degraded. I recently read about something called the Revenge Bod. It was in one of those rubbish magazines that merit no time of any sensible reader, and I was probably on a flight.
A precious five seconds was all the time I needed to understand that Revenge Bod, their quasi-main feature spread, was about how women can get back at their men — men who may have dumped them for being, well, portly — by getting back in shape. I have many problems with this. Here goes:
Why were you out of shape? I don’t mean that in a shallow superficial sense. I am coming more from a health point of view. Being out of shape is bad for everyone and there is no excuse for being lazy about it. I can run and cycle till the bulls come home and yet I know I don’t have the body to flaunt at the beach. But whatever I do pack between my head and my feet, I carry with pride, often with my stomach sucked in.
So stop worrying if you don’t resemble the best Photoshopped version of yourself and learn to be comfortable in your skin. If your life post a break-up revolves around getting in shape only to prove a point to a man who didn’t care about you in the first place, then your mental issues are clearly more worrying than your physical ones.
Low self-esteem is a slippery slope and no amount of upper body core training will help you scale it. So, get in shape to feel good about yourself, but please don’t feel that there is any healing in posting pictures of your new bod six months down the line to arouse jealousy in some twat who doesn’t deserve any of your attention anyway.
There, I have said my piece. I am all for fitness but revenge bod, or binge eating, are all forms of abuse that I abhor. But to find solace that builds on another’s envy is a weak addiction to be motivated by. Remind us, oh women, once again, why we mustn’t invite your ire. Receiving your hot pics in a bikini months after we have parted ways isn’t quite the hell you’d imagine.
The writer is a lover of wine, song and everything fine
