Ever had a potential relationship spiral down to texts every few months? Chances are, you have been benched. Usually in the form of texts, that are often received too late, benching seems to be the new polite way, to brush off somebody. When you feel things aren’t going to work out with people, benching them seems like a much better option than ghosting.
Benching seems to have reached a space of mutual understanding now. “I went on a date with a guy once and after that we only texted occasionally by sharing a link to an online story, or just a ‘Hey it’s been a long time’ text. Only once I went on a few dates with someone else and wasn’t sure about how I felt. I didn’t want to be with this person but I didn’t’ want the conversation to end either. So I would occasionally text him but would always make up an excuse when we made plans. I would only text him when I was feeling low or needed somebody to talk to because I knew he liked me,” says 25 -year-old, Shalini, corporate employee.
The deed is manipulative, and selfish, but it’s also something we are all guilty of doing. And while some keep a back up for days when they feel low, others not only want to keep their options open, but also want to avoid awkward run-ins.
“I’ve often had awkward run-ins with people I’ve dumped or ignored. So benching seems like the better option because I’ll send them an occasional text asking them how they’re doing or how work is going so when I run into them, we can continue the conversation,” says Rupen, a 24 year old entrepreneur.
Most benchers will just tell you that benching is the modern version of leading someone on, but with minor changes. “Youngsters today don’t want to make the decision of whether or not to be forced to make decisions and prefer keeping their options open. The smartphones have made it easier to dangle people on, because what can the other person say? That the bencher is a bad texter? Because that’s’ all it takes today to keep people on hold. Honestly, it’s just another term for dumping somebody, because you wouldn’t bench a person you’re interested in,” explains relationship psychologist Mamtha Shetty.
