Why do men have one night stands? Believe it or not, this is a major male sexual fantasy. A Men’s Health magazine survey indicates that the average male would like to have eighteen sex partners in his lifetime! Evolutionary psychologists are of the opinion that there may be a genetic basis for this. According to them, “Men have an evolved desire to fool around.” In any long standing monogamous relationship, sexual passion dies a natural death for both partners due to sexual monotony. In such situations, fresh flesh rekindles it.
This sexual high, especially for the middle-aged man or woman, becomes an end in itself. The exhilaration is compounded by the thrill of novelty. For both men and women, one night stands may be ego boosters too. For men, they can be a reward for all their professional efforts and achievements through the years, and for women they can be a reaffirmation of their attractiveness.
Anthropologist Helen Fischer in her book Anatomy of Love calls this the “physiology of adultery”. According to her, people respond differently to novelty. Some avoid it while some seek it out. Research has also found that one night stands are more likely to occur when the man is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and when he is in an unhappy emotional space.
On the whole, one night stands are most likely to be injurious to any relationship because one of its founding pillars, trust, has been broken. Whatever reconciliation is attempted can only be like a broken mirror. My dear men and women, the best way to avoid this problem is to avoid the encounter itself.
The writer is a sexologist. Mail him at dr.narayana@deccanmail.com
