Times have changed in such a way the first step to enter a lifetime relationship is sending a request, either through matrimonial hubs or social media. Long gone are the days when the marriage brokers came to advertise for prospective grooms and brides, followed by a festival of formal meeting of families. In such a scenario, the opinions of the bride or groom are not heard and are silenced by overpowering voices, which are governed by larger financial interests.
Back then, love marriages were guided by strong emotional currents which led to run-away cases, or so-called controversial couples. Kerala, known for its conservative culture, is learning to let go of its egoistic cover, and give up to the interest of the empowered youth.
Shifting to the current times, partnership is getting dominated with practical values. The literacy factor and better living standards may be the root cause that the youth are empowered to make their choice right. No longer do they prefer a troupe to accompany them, they are better on their own, and that terms an ‘arranged’ dating.
That said, arranged marriages are becoming platforms for arranged dating and voices of the youth overpower the familial interests. Like a resume that gets screened for a job application process, applicants meet for an informal meeting, discuss and understand their compatibility. The role of the parents finishes at the hem of basic investigations, and it is left up to the couple to make their choice.
Prebin Koshy and Shiny Idikkula, an IT couple based in Bengaluru, had a few arranged dates before they finally agreed to get married.
The couple had a number of proposals before them and was introduced to each through a mutual friend who knew their similar backgrounds. “We told our parents to understand the family backgrounds and other details. In the meantime, we talked about everything under the sun to understand each other, and discussed the expectations one had for the other so that it should not lead to disappointment at a later stage in life. We felt the compatibility to take a step forward, hence decided to get married,” says Shiny.
Explaining it is necessary to give a guided opportunity for dating, veteran marriage counsellor Dr. Alex Mathew from Kochi, speaks of the significance. “Given the number of divorces increasing in Kerala, the dating freedom given by parents is also a moral escape for them. The forced marriage concept is disappearing as nobody likes to be a part of the blame game. Even the young generation desirably wants to know the other, understand each other’s preferences and take a leap,” says Dr. Mathew.
He further adds, most youngsters from Kerala are working in other states or abroad, which gives them no time to come down for a prospective proposal. “So the couple meet informally according to their convenience. In all these cases, a controlled and guided opportunity for dating should be given where the youngsters and their parents know the limits.” Another couple Reshmi CR and Binoj from from Kannur had to resort to Skype dating as Binoj was abroad when the former’s parents came with his proposal.
The couple spoke several times to understand each other better, and later only, their marriage was fixed. “Well, it is important to understand the compatibility of two people because when it comes to choices of profession and basic interests, if the couple doesn’t match, then it causes an irreparable damage. Social networking is also a major boon in these cases as it helps us involve in the selection of our better half along with our parents. So the chance for dating is definitely practical,” shares Reshmi.
Roshni Joshy and Vineeth James from Thrissur, share their experience before getting married. “We were given six months to know each other before our betrothal. During that period, we went for several dates to know each other bettr. Our parents were also very supportive to give that space to us.”
