My friend Sanjay says, “Relationships can be difficult.” He’s had a bad break-up and is regrouping. He says that relationships are all too intense. Yes, after the dating ‘honeymoon’ period, the getting-to-know-each-other phase can be a tough one, with the double-edged sword of ‘intensity’ and ‘involvement’ making both partners irrational. The funny thing is that you feel more acutely for the person you care about and so become a more reactionary person to that one person you’d like to be more caring toward, but without a level of proximity, there is no relationship.
Sometimes you are stuck like a broken record: ‘but you didn’t mention something’ or ‘but you said this’. You wish you could change these aspects of unreasonableness that never manifests in other relationships of friendship and fun, which are in fact light and breezy. You bring that deeper level to that one person you have become raw and easily sensitive toward, which is not perhaps easy on both.
In the beginning, there is the magic, the once-in-a-lifetime-soulmate feelings of synchronicity, true romance, attraction and amazing sex. And then the real world issues crop up. Says Sanjay, “One day, I returned from Bengaluru and because of my sensitivity and my partner’s desire to joke, I took a flippant comment seriously! I see it so clearly today — she was at her most unfocused and playful act. I was being hard on her — going by words and exactitudes like one does with a lover sometimes. I just focused on the words that hurt and didn’t look at it in perspective.” When you get blinded by the storm, then your vision gets seriously blurred. And you need a shake up.
Relationships with high risk, insecurities, distance and unpredictability can be even more difficult to navigate until you find the ability to communicate and comfort each other. The trick is to partner the situation in real and deal with it head-on. Never gloss over angst and misgivings — address them patiently if the relationship is precious and you wish longevity. Move forward together with a new, improved understanding every time there is a disagreement. How does one deal with aspects of insecurity and distance and yet allow one’s relationship to flourish and grow through happy memories?
While your intensity is also representative of love, don’t despair of the rapids and keep in mind the fact that with time and faith, confidence grows. There will always be shortcomings and misgivings on multiple fronts. To talk and discuss things, keeping the love in focus is an important path to adopt. It is never advisable to hit out and be hurtful to each other. Whereas, building consistency, mutual respect, getting to accept each other’s vulnerabilities and weaknesses will strengthen your relationship. Communication is the key.
Intimacy, which is the natural progression of love, is a great evolution which deepens the bonds with its ultimate message of trust and ardour when it stems from romance, friendship, communication and passion. You need to expose yourself fully and allow your partner to be one with you symbolically, this way your relationship will transcend to one that is full of mutual tenderness, respect and trust.
The author is a luxury consultant. Mail her at nishajamvwal@gmail.com
