Considering how many times I have gotten this wrong with the girl, it is a surprise that we still have guests over. This is how it unfolds most of the time: we decide a day to call people over, I procrastinate till the morning of the set date to send a vague invite via a WhatsApp message to all. I tell them to come by 7:30 when the girl had clearly stated not before 8:30. But this is just the beginning, for the invites aren’t the only thing I have bungled up. The snacks and drinks haven’t been decided and if they have, then I haven’t made preparations to buy and stock them, hoping to get it out of the way by later in the evening. Food for the evening too has been left to chance somewhat as I play Russian roulette with the home delivery places to pick one to order from.
Which explains why I am delegated very little responsibility during the actual party — checking that everyone has a drink is about as much complexity as I can handle.
But here too, things get murky. People who are sipping beer weren’t offered a glass, others were told where the ice and soda were so that I didn’t have to get up and make them a drink the third time onwards. And then once the food had been laid out I served everyone another round thereby delaying dinner and letting it go cold.
And as the guests leave, the girl is terribly upset about how her party-hosting points must have seriously fallen, no small thanks to my conduct or lack thereof.
The trouble is this — we men, considering how we never grow up, think of parties as they were when we first went to one: in college! So, two decades down, we still seem to be okay with the laundry lying on one of the chairs while the guests pour their own drinks into plastic cups and settle down on whatever can double up as furniture. Women mature, and they are more sensible to begin with!
So, the next time there is a plan for a party on the cards, please take notes guys; plan like it’s the last days of earth: stock up and pre-order everything. Also leave notes from a sober you to a drunk you because those will be crucial tips when you need them most. And a small tip more: offer to do lesser than what you can actually deliver, it’s the only way to earn a pat on the back. Sounding like the hero to save the day and then lying wasted and ordering your friends to feed the dog while dinner goes cold is a one way ticket to the lumpy couch!
Remember, when you were young and there was a party but you were never invited. Think of this the same way — there is a party in your house and all around you, but you are not really invited. If you are enjoying it all at any moment, something somewhere is going wrong.
The writer is a lover of wine, song and everything fine
