When she was smiling, people told her she was being too ‘easy’, and when she didn’t, she was called ‘unemotional and cold’. Policing of their tone and ways is a battle majority of women fight every day. Through her rather recent remarks on the sexism she had to fight in her career, the US Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has given way to a conversation across the globe on the issue.
Hillary was criticised recently for not smiling enough, after which she told the website, Humans of New York — “Women are seen through a different lens. It’s not bad. It’s just a fact. I’ll go to these events and there will be men speaking before me, and they’ll be pounding the message, and screaming about how we need to win the election, and people will it. And I want to do the same thing because I care about this stuff. But I’ve learned that I can’t be quite so passionate in my presentation. I love to wave my arms, but apparently that’s a little bit scary to people. And I can’t yell too much. It comes across as ‘too loud’ or ‘too shrill’ or ‘too this’ or ‘too that’...” She also shared how when she was taking a law entrance test years ago, she was told that she doesn’t belong there and how she had to learn to “control her emotions.”
Women and men tell us about the sexism they face at workplaces and at large in the Indian society, that is often denied and swept under the rug. Former Rajya Sabha MP and CPI(M) politburo member Brinda Karat says that in our parliament too, sexist humour is not uncommon. “Yes, there is sexism in the Indian political scenario — direct sometimes, indirect and subterranean at other times…People say, ‘oh you are speaking like a feminist!’ by which they mean ‘why are you challenging our laid down norms?’ or they say ‘Oh you are too emotional’ which translates to ‘Don’t say what you feel but what we want to hear’.
Sexist humour in the parliament was not uncommon, but the only difference now is that we have male MPs too supporting the protests of women.”
Chennai-based Dr. Geeta Madhavan, who is one of the well-known lawyers in the country, says her battles head-on against sexism started from the beginning days of her career. “When I joined law firms, there was a condescending attitude from few male lawyers who thought that the success one achieved is solely because of the woman’s looks. I consistently refused to be a part of reception groups where I was called upon to add ‘glamour’ to an event. Over the years, I have had to adopt such professional demeanour that does not encourage any patronising from male colleagues, and now my tone is said to be ‘intimidating’,” she remarks.
A Mumbai-based filmmaker, Rohan Sabharwal, 37, believes that sexism points to a larger issue of patriarchy that is deep-rooted in our society. “We must stop thinking that sexism is a thing of the past. It starts right from what a woman is asked to wear or not wear. When a woman is angry, people unnecessarily say that she must be on her period, which is not the same when it comes to men. This stems from the patriarchy that both men and women contribute to. It’s always made either too easy or too difficult for a woman at work — never normal. For men at work, it’s about their merit to get a job, but for a woman, it goes to how she looks, what she wears,” he opines.
Taking that point ahead, Iswarya V, a full-time research fellow at Madras Christian College, who started #callingoutstalking on Twitter to address the glorification of stalking in Indian films, adds — “What counts as just ‘getting carried away’ or ‘being passionate’ for men becomes ‘turning emotional’ or ‘getting hysterical’ for women. There are also double standards in the accepted tones we have defined for men and women. Swearing, for instance, doesn’t raise as many eyebrows when men do it. In India, tone-policing is very much a part of our gendered upbringing because girls are made to internalise the fear of violent retribution if they dare offend a man.”
(With inputs from Kaavya Pillai)
