Illa, anginonnum illa. Febin Mariam Jose puts out her words one by one, clear words, spontaneous words. What she said above is 'No, there's nothing like that' to the question, is there something more she'd like to say. She has just given another interview, after a week full of that. Tell something else then, she is prodded, something apart from the story that's been doing rounds — of a blind girl winning first rank for MA in Philosophy, who had also come first for her BA in Philosophy. She says instead how, growing up in Saudi Arabia, she was just an above average student, not a rank holder. She says how she loved her college life at Women's, Thiruvananthapuram. How she is in every way, a typical young woman, in love with life, just blooming.
"I stay across the road from Women's College. I could see it from my balcony, the college. I wake up every morning and go to sleep every night, watching it," she says with a love for the place she had developed in the years she came away from the life and everything she had known. Till then it's all been Saudi Arabia for her, knowing Kerala as her parents' land, where she'd come to, to visit grandparents. She was going to come to Kerala alone that July, nearly ten years ago. Febin was going to join a crash course at P.C. Thomas sir's, for 'Gulf kuttikal' (Gulf kids). She had scored in her tenth, 85 per cent, and since then been preparing for medical entrance. She wanted to become a doctor. But Febin's life was going to change that summer. There came an outbreak of chicken pox — at home, her mom, dad and sister got it. Febin had not yet got it and she was about to go alone to Thrissur. The nearest relatives were her grandparents living in Pathanamthitta. They decided not to take a risk and take a preventive vaccination. The vaccination changed everything. It was at first a nose bleed that soon went away. But a month and a half later, Febin began showing more symptoms till one day, she lost her eyesight.
For three years after that, she had been in hospitals in Kerala, taking Ayurvedic treatment. She'd go back to Saudi with medicines, travel every few months between the two lands, learning to get used to the new life, learning to be a strong pillar. "There were my parents, grandparents, my younger sister — my family. If I break down, they will too. I had to move on," Febin says.
In 2011-12, she did her 12th in an open school and gave her exams, scoring 83 per cent. For BA, she came down to Thiruvananthapuram, pushing away her medicine dreams, replacing it with psychology. But that too was not to be. Grace Ma’am of the Psychology Department said no blind student had learnt the course so far, there are practicals from sem 4. So then Febin had three choices, she ticked off English and History from it and went for Philosophy. It had then been an option to escape other options, but ‘talking to Lakshmi Ma’am and Sreekumar sir’ had helped her decide.
Then the first day of college came and Dhanalakshmi, who’d later be Febin’s friend asked, what’s her name. Febin broke down. It was the sudden realisation that she was not going to study medicine like she wanted, but was sitting in a college in Thiruvananthapuram, far away from home in Saudi, about to learn an entirely new course. But she picked up so well, that even in the first sem, there came new expectations of her. Febin scored more in English and Hindi — 4 on 4 grade points — in the first sem. When the results came in the third sem, she knew she had to work. There came friendly scribes for her — Arya first who later introduced her to another scribe, Aishwarya, and so on. “I’d chitchat with them during the exam,” she says like a naughty teen doing something she isn’t supposed to. “You mean you tell her what to write for the exam?” she is asked. “No… samsarikum (we talk),” she whispers back, conspiringly. “I take life easily like that,” she says, again with her clear diction.
Life became fun. She made a gang of seven. One of them — Kiran — had called to tell her about the first time she had a rank — for the first sem exams of BA. “It was October 9, when college union celebrations were happening. I didn’t go ‘cause I don’t go to such functions, I don’t like them.” But when Kiran told her roll number 22 — that’s Febin — had scored 3.9 and has university rank, she knew life was going to be different. At the end of BA, teachers and parents suggested she do her MA through distant education, no need to waste time going to college. But Febin liked her college life, she didn’t want to miss it. So she went. There was only one left of her gang of friends, others went to different colleges. She made new friends and they’d all be at her home, opposite the college, mornings and evenings.
Now she’s got lots to do. Febin has qualified for JRF and will be registering for PhD. “My HOD — Dr R. Lakshmi — will be my guide.” She has also gone for civil service coaching. So there’s that too.
But with all these big ambitions, Febin, you know, is also going to make a lot of friends, and be ‘chitchatting’ with them all the time.
