The curious case of Kulbushan Jadhav, incarcerated somewhere in Pakistan for alleged espionage activities, has been dominating share of voice in Indian media this past few weeks. The unfortunate Jadhav has become a cause celebre, on whose behalf cudgels are being taken up by every single newspaper and television news channel in India.
The latter in particular, as is their wont, have been shrill in the extreme, with jingoistic fervour, each channel attempting to go one up on its rivals to pick up such brownie points as are on offer. ‘You saw it here first’, ‘Highest viewership within one week of launch’, ‘First to interview Harish Salve after the International Court of Justice (ICJ) judgment’, and many more similar hyperboles.
There is a clear divide to this subject’s programming – pre ICJ judgment and post verdict. The former had all the channels, with their panel guests, playing guessing games as to what is likely to happen. Pure conjecture with an unconcealed bias towards an ‘Indian victory’. The latter, post verdict, was full of ‘ra ra’ fist pumping, with ‘We told you so and we were the first to tell you’, being the underlying theme. As ever, most of the channels featured a couple of Pakistani representatives (you can tell by the vague, green backdrop), whose primary raison d’etre for accepting the Indian channels’ invitation to participate, appeared to be to act as supine sacrificial lambs. Goats might be a more appropriate term.
It has been a matter of constant puzzlement to me why these journalists, former politicians and defence personnel from across the border even bother to show up – only to be roundly insulted and clobbered to a pulp. I mean, we don’t see any Indian holding forth on Pakistani TV channels, barring the occasional brain freeze by the likes of Mani Shankar Iyer, an exception, who once gave as his opinion that our Prime Minister Modi should be removed from office if India – Pakistan talks are to be meaningful!
During one of these verbal fisticuffs, a Pakistani defence expert even went to the extent of taunting one of our famed, if frenetic, anchors that Kulbushan Jadhav may already have met his maker under the tender mercies of the army courts. To which our incensed anchor retorted, ‘If one hair of Jadhav is touched, your will see the full and frightening wrath of the Indian defence forces rain down on Pakistan’. Or words to that effect. Tragic as Jadhav’s situation is, this kind of exchange is quite comic. Neither party is aware as to what Jadhav’s fate is, yet both are threatening each other with fire and brimstone!
Being the kind of ephemeral medium television is, the Kulbhushan Jadhav story has already receded to the background, what with the Major Gogoi affair taking centre stage. Was this officer right or wrong in tying up an alleged Kashmiri protester to the bonnet of a jeep, parading him and daring would-be stone pelters to take aim at one of their own? Obviously, the Kashmiris and their backers cried foul, while the Indian Government rewarded the brave Gogoi with a commendation for thinking out of the box, thus stymieing the enemy. More than enough grist to the news channels’ mills, who continued on their merry ways – anchors, luxuriantly mustachioed military personnel from both sides of the border, a couple of choleric and incoherent Kashmiris and one or two standard issue political spokespersons – all going hammer and tongs at each other.
The viewer, sitting at home, is completely befuddled as to what is going on. Similar ‘debates’ on the BBC or CNN seem so much more civilised. While there can be little doubt that the Kulbushan Jadhav saga will return to dominate our small screens when the judicial process moves to the next stage, for the moment it is Major Gogoi who is hogging most of the headlines.
A couple of months ago, it was some other poor BSF jawan from the front lines in J&K, who posted a video complaining about the pathetic quality of food he and his brave colleagues had to put up with. Evidently, he had to make do with parantha and tea for breakfast with no pickles or vegetables. And he wasn’t particularly effusive about the dal either, claiming it contained nothing more than haldi.
The public relations wing of the army, of course, immediately swung into action, and put out a release claiming these allegations were grossly exaggerated, possibly motivated, and that the jawans were being sumptuously fed. The particular jawan, who sent out the video, was never heard of again. Perhaps he has been given a punishment posting somewhere remote near Bangladesh border. At least he can look forward to some hilsa fish and rice for his supper.
To be fair to the army canteen chappies though, it may have been an exceptional day, and the stricken jawan might have received some depressing news from home. Or he might have had an axe to grind with the chief cook, who may have refused to ladle out a second helping of mutton biriyani a couple of days earlier. These are mysteries we lay persons cannot fathom.
As we go to press, there is the Uzma rescue mission - one that ended happily, gang rapes, loot and murder all over the country on an hourly basis, and incredibly, Mani Shankar Iyer leading a delegation to have a pow-wow with the Hurriyat Conference! The man must be a glutton for punishment. Pakistan claiming it invaded Indian airspace and bombed an Indian outpost, which India claims is an old YouTube rip-off, India’s riposte that it blew up a Pakistani outpost. It never ends.
Finally, now that the IPL tamasha is behind us, Kohli’s boys have taken centre stage at the Champion’s Trophy in England. And guess who they faced straight off the blocks, folks? That’s right. Good old Pakistan! But then it rained.
(The author is a brand consultant who likes music, cricket and good humour)
