At the risk of sounding like a prissy old man, I muddle along in an un-FIT world, far from the relentless pounding of the Facebook, Instagram & Twitter treadmills. "Don't kid yourself, this won't last for long," warned my friend Tushita, who is a big wheel in the UB Group. If her words of wisdom are good enough for Mr Mallya, then your humble correspondent will deposit them in the bank, even though that may not be the most appropriate metaphor given the current turmoil in the banking industry. But I digress.
When one resists the herd mentality to download, downgrade and wallow in the minutiae of other peoples' lives, the resultant glow of blissful ignorance on one's face brings out the worst in social media evangelists aka SME's.
They've got your back, they're coming to re-educate you and your unfamiliarity with what matters is short-lived. Unless your landlord is the Unabomber and you live in a remote Montana shack, the best you can hope for is that your social media exposure will come in short bursts where the side-effects are less severe.
Last week I was privileged to be at the wedding reception of Nakul who is the son of my good friends, Nina and Harish Bijoor.
Catching up with old Bangaloreans on the lawns of the West End is a rare treat and if one's hosts are from South Kanara, then the peach is in your melba, as my Aunt Agnes used to say when her dentures were being fitted.
Both the conversation and the wine sparkled, especially when a stunning young woman blushingly admitted she had become the primary online resource for amorous couples looking for steamy shower sex tips.
Timing is everything and this wasn't the ideal moment for a random SME to bring up the subject of Bollywood/cricket. "You know I was on Twitter and Anoushka had just announced their wedding…" One can empathise with baby boomers who remember their precise whereabouts when Kennedy was assassinated but to bring up Virushka when others are discussing water-polo is in very poor taste.
You may disagree in which case you should increase your meds or change your dealer. To compound her crime the woman went on to inflict Anoushka's banal bleating and tweeting on us in mind-numbing detail.
'Virushka (yeah, even I figured that out) uploaded two adorable pictures, ooh so mushy, yaar, and they issued this totally cute joint statement , "Today we have promised each other to be bound in love forever. We are truly blessed to share this wonderful news with you. This beautiful day will be made more special with the love and support of our family of fans and well-wishers. Thank you for being such an important part of our journey."
I was struck by two thoughts: why can't we enjoy the moment instead of reading out inane Bollywood garbage from our phones and why can't our celebrities outsource their tweets? Now while there is little one can do about the former, clearly Anoushka Sharma has no excuse.
After all she was educated in Bangalore at the Army School and went on to do an Arts degree in Mount Carmel's. Surely the barracks instructor at the fauji Sainik school or Mother Superior at Mount's could have jointly ensured that their ward was a little more eloquent when it came to pouring out her heart.
"Wonderful, beautiful, love and support…" bleech, it has all the oomph and appeal of a political speech.
I am tempted to refer Anoushka to my good friend, Danish Sait aka Nograj. Then perhaps her tweets would resonate more with the masses. "Myself Anu, top item number Bollywood, is doubling up with Viru, bold and brave in long run(Test match) and time-pass (limited over).
Hearty Love and tightly hugs of my nears and dears, Mummydaddykidsu, it was an hanar(sic) to have you in us." No, Anu, it was an hanar to have you on us."
