Watergate is the collective name given to a conglomeration of six buildings, located in the toniest Washington D.C. area. Amongst posh residential and hotel complexes, the vicinity was also the home of the Watergate Office Building, where in June 1972, the most notorious break-in scandal occurred at a Democratic Convention, instigated by rival Republican party bosses ultimately leading to the resignation in disgrace of Republican U.S. President, Richard Milhous Nixon. This dark event in the history of the United States came to be known forever as the Watergate scandal, a term that has given Watergate a dubiously pivotal position whenever the subject of political or any gossip and contumely is raised.
That brief introduction, to those who may not be fully aware, of the origins of Watergate (and if you are aware, I crave your indulgence for my presumption) and its inextricable association with skulduggery, was given as a backdrop to present day newsbreaks, wherein the word ‘gate’ is employed as a default suffix to anything and everything that reeks of a scam. The world has witnessed many gates like Irangate, Camillagate, Koreagate, Monicagate, Emailgate, Winegate etcetera. India cannot lag behind. Not in any particular order, here are some of the most recent ‘gates’ to grab our eyeballs.
Slapgate - Somebody powerful delivers somebody else less powerful a tight slap. The incident is instantly branded by the media as Slapgate, some of the television channels even going so far as to provide the ‘brand’ with a hashtag for viewers to respond (I'll pretend I know what a hashtag is), presumably by tweeting or twittering or whatever it is that we twits are commanded to do by the raucously importunate anchors. The most recent of the slapping incidents occurred when Delhi's Chief Secretary was allegedly slapped and otherwise manhandled by members of the ruling Aam Aadmi Party.
One of the channels even claimed it had received over 5000 angry tweets in less than 2 minutes. Or perhaps it was 500 tweets. Or just 50. Do the channels get their own staff and friends to keep tweeting? Who the hell knows? Or cares?
Niravgate - The Nirav Modi / Punjab National Bank affair has been dominating our pages and channels over the past few weeks.
Everybody and their uncle is pitching in and getting their kicks while the alleged perpetrator is himself allegedly holed up somewhere in a luxury suite in New York. As concrete proof of this ‘fact’, one news channel even posted one of their demure correspondents outside Nirav's half opened suite door at the Marriott in the Big Apple. The clinching evidence of the diamond baron's presence was incontrovertible - we could clearly see his cat padding around near the refrigerator mewing for milk, and a woman whose face was deliberately blurred, fiddling around reaching for the theplas and dhoklas inside the fridge. Case closed. Incidentally, Mehul Choksi, Nirav's uncle, mentor and partner in crime, is miffed that his young nephew is hogging most of the limelight and the whole affair being branded Niravgate. ‘Why not Choksigate?’ he fulminates. One sees his point, but then Nirav Modi's ad campaigns were slicker. Better branding. And his surname more resonating.
One last thing. Nirav Modi finally did communicate, through his counsel, saying the figures being quoted are wildly exaggerated and that there was no fraud.
He could have amicably settled matters, but now it is too late as the fair name of his eponymous brand has been cruelly tarnished. PNB can whistle for its money. Easy come, easy go.
Rotomacgate - Head of writing implements major Rotomac, Vikram Kothari and his bankers, Bank of Baroda are embroiled in a Rs 3,700 crore scandal. Coming close on the heels of the Rs 11 going on 20 thousand crore Niravgate / Choksigate affair, Rotomac has been floating under the radar. As one bored TV whiz kid laconically said, ‘Rs 3,700 crore? Pooh, a mere piffle. Don't come to me with anything less than Rs 25,000 crore. Our channel has set extremely high standards.’
Narayanaswamygate - How much, I hear you ask, dear reader. Yes, this relatively unknown political honcho has yet to earn his spurs to be accorded the ‘gate’ label, but I am providing it anyway for his unique approach to displaying displeasure.
A Congress party functionary in Bangalore, Narayanaswamy was so miffed at one of his property deals not being cleared by the local BBMP office that he paid a sudden visit to their premises armed with, wait for it, a bottle of petrol and proceeded to spray the noxious liquid all over the office. However, in his inflammable rage, he forgot to bring with him a box of matches or a cigarette lighter, indispensable requirements when contemplating burning down buildings. Evidently the party has suspended him, leaving him to rue, at his leisure, his utter carelessness in not equipping himself with a matchbox to strike a light with.
Harisgate - Nalapad Haris 24, son of debonair Congress party MLA in Bangalore N.A. Haris, went about rearranging the face and torso of someone sitting across his table at a posh restaurant in the erstwhile garden city. Evidently it started with a verbal altercation, but eyewitnesses confirmed the young Haris did land the first punch aided by a few goons. The victim had to be rushed to hospital for emergency treatment.
After the customary vanishing act, the young Haris has surrendered to the local gendarmerie, and is doubtless cooling his heels in custody while legal proceedings are on. The party has expelled him. The father / son duo pretty much dominate the billboard landscape in most of southern Bangalore, their custom trimmed beard and dark glasses the cynosure of all eyes. The flexes have been hurriedly removed.
The chastised senior Haris has abjectly apologised to the public at large, and doubtless, Harisgate will soon disappear from our consciousness.
There you go, dear reader. India's ‘gates’ are forever open. Let a thousand gates bloom. Let the barbarians in.
